Listen to “WS 501 Fear Guilt and Shame” on Spreaker.
WS 501 Fear, Shame, and Guilt as Mechanisms of Social Control
On the eve of Pride Month, Ms Harper taught the Whore School students how to set themselves free! Free from Fear, Shame, and Guilt, at lesat. Learn what those emotions are, and what they arise in response to, and how they’re used in both overt and covert social control applied internally and externally. Ever get really into doing something sexy, and then, afterward, feel such a rush of deep shame and guilt about the fun you just had? That’s internal covert social control trying to keep you ‘normal’ and fitting into society. Listen to the episode, and enjoy the transcript right here!
(0:04 – 2:02)
There we go. It’s Whore School time. Come forth, come ye, come ye.
Join me in the Enchantrix Empire Discord server for your Sunday evening, night, time exploration of all things awesome and fabulous and wonderful. That’s enough adjectives, right? Yeah, that’ll work. We’re going to talk about fear, shame, and guilt as mechanisms of social control.
Because that’s just how I fucking roll. So far I’ve got Addy, Eclectic Coder, Callie the Sweet Girl, Patti, and Prisno, it’s a K-Marie, have all joined the show. They’re all present listening.
Look at me. Patti said, oh boy, this is a note-taking episode, isn’t it? Would I do that to you? Yeah. Sorry.
Not sorry. Not sorry at all. I took notes for this and opened so many tabs.
Oh, we lost the Eclectic Coder. He didn’t want to have to take notes about fear, shame, and guilt. So why fear, shame, and guilt? Why am I talking about those three things? I’ve talked about them before.
I did an entire episode of Whore School about guilt and shame and exactly how and why I find them useless emotions. Because they are. They are.
(2:02 – 2:44)
Hold that thought. The tagline for Whore School, it’s adult sex education with no fear, no shame, no guilt. And that’s very, very deliberate.
And it’s because fear, shame, and guilt are used explicitly to control you. They are emotions that mediate your behavior. They change your behavior.
(2:44 – 5:38)
Your actions change in response to feeling fear, guilt, shame. Hang on. All right, that’s fine.
So I have a couch. And behind the couch is a window. And attached to the window is one of those shelf things with a cushion on it.
And it’s for the cats. It’s a cat seat in the window so they can look out and be like, oh, birds. But because it’s right, like you can walk on the couch and get to it.
So the 19-year-old dog that cannot see decided to be like, yeah, this is a good idea. Let me walk along the back of the couch and get into the good girl. Oh, my God.
This dog. It’s like she turned 19 and was like, you know what I’m gonna do? Anything I fucking want. Hey, Matt.
Kelly said good job. Death Wish. No, no.
Death Wish is one of the cats. This is she doesn’t even have a code name for the radio because she’s usually she’s good. She naps.
She sleeps through the show. Like she’s the good one, except she’s getting very, very old and very senile. She is mostly blind.
She’s completely fucking deaf. That or she just doesn’t listen anymore. Like, I’ve watched her walk into walls.
It’s hilarious, but sad. So yeah, she’s just such a butt. Oh, my God.
She’s like, well, how can I get into trouble today? I know. I’m gonna try to chase a cat. You have arthritis.
And did I mention the blind? You have cataracts, baby. You can’t. There you go.
You’re gonna settle down. Not even a little bit. All right, so no fear, no shame, no guilt.
Fear is an unpleasant emotion. In anticipation or awareness of danger. So fear, as I’ve talked about before, fear doesn’t have to be a fear of anything that’s real or rational.
(5:41 – 6:37)
Fear and anxiety are very closely linked. You feel anxiety in anticipation of something unpleasant happening. You feel fear in anticipation or awareness of something dangerous happening.
And sometimes your brain mixes those up. Dangerous versus unpleasant. And you can have an oversized reaction.
And that’s what basically an anxiety or a stress disorder does to you. It messes with your emotions. And you get triggered over things that may or may not actually need to be reacted to in an extreme way.
Patty said, I feel like tonight I’ll get a bit of a reality check. Because I feel a lot of fear, shame and guilt about a lot of things. Oh, well, that’s kind of par for the course with Whore School at this point.
(6:41 – 9:22)
I’m not doing it on purpose. That’s just the nature of these sorts of conversations and topics. But it’s really, really important to have this.
So when I was talking about the reasons why, for example, erotic humiliation does what it does to you, the erotic part and the humiliation part the fight, flight, fawn and fuck response are all there. They’re all in the amygdala. And that sometimes you can trigger any of those responses with the perception of social or cultural fear.
So the reason why calling you a dirty slut kind of gets you going is because being called a dirty slut, in some circumstances, is a threat. Yep, Patty said and freeze. That’s one too.
Well, the freeze and the fawn response can they think yeah, there’s a bunch of F words in there. So it is like I said, it’s not necessarily rational, or based in reality. When you have the fear response, oftentimes what you’re afraid of is you’re afraid of losing social standing.
If my wife finds out that I like to wear panties when I masturbate, she’ll tell everyone and no one will look at me the same way. I’ll lose everything in my life if they find out how kinky I am, and that I do perverse deviant things sexually. That’s the fear part.
Now, shame arises because it is caused by a consciousness of guilt, shortcoming or impropriety. Okay, so there’s a few in there. It’s the consciousness, it’s being aware of thinking that, oh, I did something bad.
And so you feel ashamed of yourself, ashamed of your action, ashamed of whatever you just did. So a shortcoming could be, well, I held myself to a really high standard. And now I have disappointed myself by not meeting the standards that I set for myself.
(9:22 – 12:16)
So now I am ashamed. My goal was to always never call out sick to work, and then I did. Now I am ashamed.
For example, Patty said, what’s the difference between fear and shame? In this context, is it the internal perspective of it? Yes. So fear is just the emotion, the unpleasant strong emotion in anticipation or awareness of danger. That’s it.
That’s what fear is. Shame is a painful emotion caused by, so it’s the cause of the emotion is ever so slightly different. Fear, you’re afraid because you anticipate or you are aware that what you’re doing or what is happening is dangerous to you.
Shame is a painful emotion, because you are aware consciousness of guilt, a shortcoming, or impropriety. And impropriety, honestly, that’s the social control. Hang on.
Guilt is a feeling, again, of deserving blame for having committed an offense. And you’ll notice that that doesn’t say what you committed an offense against. Who did you offend? What did you offend? Where is the offense? It doesn’t matter.
Guilt is a feeling of deserving blame for having committed an offense. So if you feel like you will be blamed for the bad thing you did, and now you feel ashamed of yourself. So guilt and shame are often very interchangeable.
They are ever so slightly different. Guilt is more focused on feeling blame. I am guilty.
Right? It has legal connotations to it. A person who has committed a crime is guilty of that crime. We blame the guilty person for the bad thing that has happened, that you caused it, you caused the bad thing to have occurred.
That if you had done nothing, the bad thing wouldn’t have happened. And therefore, there would be nothing to feel guilty about. And then you feel ashamed of yourself, because you are aware that you should be blamed you are to blame, because you did the thing, or a shortcoming because you failed to do the thing.
(12:17 – 12:36)
So if you take a religious vow of chastity, and then you jerk off, that’s a shortcoming. So impropriety, that is when we start talking more about social control. Let me check back into the chat.
(12:40 – 13:35)
And he said, at this point, I just feel like you have an issue with the Catholic Church. Do you realize how important fear, guilt and shame are for the whole thing? Uh huh. And a whole bunch of other structures, both formal and informal, fear, shame and guilt are integral for controlling groups of people.
Okay, so Patty says, unless you’re in the US, and you can’t necessarily every single person labeled as guilty by them. An imperfect judicial system? No, of course not. Everyone who’s labeled as bad or naughty by our system is automatically like that and should be punished forever.
(13:40 – 13:52)
We’re gonna come back to that, because that opens the doorway into a conversation about formal and informal mechanisms of control. Give me a second. I’m gonna get there.
(13:56 – 15:41)
Matt said that the problem with the Catholic Church, uh, comment, he said, that’s why I try voodoo. I mean… And prisoner said, I don’t mind religious vows of chastity. It was when they insisted everyone else join them in that vow, whether they were religious or not.
Fucking Puritans. So social control. You can think of social control as formal and informal, internal and external, or overt forms of social control.
Social control are things like laws, government. That’s overt, external social control. And it is the most obvious form of social control.
It’s things like, you are not allowed to cross the street in the middle of block. You have to go to the end of it and wait for the light to change and cross over there. It’s social control.
It’s controlling your behavior, and it’s stopping you from doing something. Now, admittedly, it’s stopping you from doing something that will get you squished by a car, because cleaning up after that kind of mess is obnoxious, and that’s the only reason. Also, we kind of don’t want you to be squished.
It’s gross. So overt, external systems of control. And it can be as subtle and simple as things like, you are only allowed to attend a school that you’re districted to.
(15:42 – 16:25)
Right? You cannot just willy-nilly pick and choose which school you attend. It has to be one, especially in not-university level, low-university level. You have to go to the school that is in your area, which can be both a form of social control and also a form of less overt social control, but still present social control in the form of racism.
(16:28 – 17:15)
And he says it’s so overt that it’s covert. It becomes covert because it’s unseen. It’s so ubiquitous that people don’t notice what’s going on.
So you’re only allowed to go to a school that’s in your area. The funding for your school is tied to the property values in the area that you live in. If you combine that with, okay, you’re only allowed to live in certain areas, and then how many people own property there versus how many are businesses versus how many are rented, how much property tax goes into paying for those schools based on property evaluations, which are controlled by your city council.
(17:16 – 20:26)
You can have different school districts in the same city with different, sometimes wildly disparate levels of funding and therefore of quality of teachers, quality of supplies, quality of classes, and quality of education. And then that quality of education plays directly into what kind of a job can you get? Can you go into university? Do you qualify? Are your grades good enough? Do you have enough extracurriculars? Can you go to university at all? So social control can be benign social control. Don’t freaking jaywalk.
Or social control can accidentally, oopsie doodles, enforce systems and structures that are pretty crap, like systemic racism. And he said, schools are very confusing in the US. I know, it’s terrible.
And Patty says, I never thought about school districts like that. Yeah. Yes.
And you do need to cross check for all my international listeners. It may or may not be different where you are. If you’re a schools, honestly, the easiest way to fix it would be to take all of the money for schools in like a county level, and then count the students.
You have 500 students, great. You get 500 times dollar amount. That’s your funding, instead of the property values of that school district.
So that then you can take funding. And this is the part where all the people who are in the good school districts are going to scream bloody murder. You take funding from the rich areas, and it helps with the schooling in the poor areas.
But I make more money, therefore I should get better schooling. Fuck you. Next.
Honestly, I just have no patience for that. Moving right on along. Society can have formal structure, and it can also have informal structure.
Patty said, I think the level of funding was based on the size of the schools, at least in my city, because I lived in a relatively good part of town, but my high school was small and poorly funded. Every place does it up a little bit differently, which is confusing as shit, but informal mechanisms of control. So if the laws and the rules of the society in which you live in are formal control, overt control.
(20:31 – 26:23)
Watts trying to stir up some shit. He said tax free churches should drive us all crazy. They drive me absolutely bonkers.
Also, if you live in the United States, there is an IRS form, where if you know of a church that has been like engaging in politics, or if your preacher says, now we should all vote for so and so, you can report them to the IRS and get their tax-free status revoked. I’m just saying. Cause.
Stop breaking the laws. Patty says, PS, I’m lost. Why are we talking about schools again? Oh, because we were talking about overt mechanisms of control and how sometimes those overt mechanisms of control are hard to see.
So overt that they’re covert. And so school districting and school district funding, funding for schools is a huge one that a lot of people miss because they think, well, it’s just school. Whatever.
Instead of no, no, this affects every single aspect of your life in a deep and meaningful way. This is really, really actually important. And it is both an overt form of social control, and also at the same time, a covert form of social control.
Informal social control. If laws are formal social control, informal social control is the culture’s shared understanding of what is moral and what is the right way to act. Wherever you live, you have a culture.
And white Americans, and I’m one of them, have a very strong tendency to think to ourselves, I don’t really have a culture. I’m just normal. That is a culture, dumbass.
That’s a culture. That’s your culture. The assumed presumption of normality in white Americans is an aspect of white American culture.
And just because you, it’s easier to see culture when it’s different from your own. So if you look at the culture of, say, the Gullah Geechee, they are people of color in the deep south of the United States, descended from freed persons who were brought here as enslaved persons, but got free, and then bought property and just said, fuck you to the whole entire rest of the world, and ignored them for a while. So they are a distinct culture with a distinct dialect, a distinct way of speaking, a way of living.
They have a different take on religion, nominally Christian, but a little bit different because it’s very African diasporic influenced. Absolutely fascinating. Love Gullah Geechee.
Like the song, Kumbaya, if you’ve ever heard that, Kumbaya, my lord, Kumbaya, that’s a Gullah Geechee song. And so it’s easy to look at cultures like that. Or if you look at Louisiana and you look at the French Creoles in Louisiana, oh yeah, that’s definitely a different culture.
Or the culture of Puerto Rican diasporic persons in New York City. Oh, that is a definite, that’s a culture right there. That is a subculture and we can look at it and go, ooh, look at that.
That’s different from us. The Jewish culture, very different. All of those are cultures.
Your culture will often be invisible to you because it is so deeply internalized. Any behavior that you think is, well, that’s just how you are, that’s just normal. That’s your culture.
And you’ll recognize it when you look at other cultures and go, huh, well, look how they do that. That’s weird. No, it’s not.
It’s not weird. You just have a culture that’s different from the way that they’re doing it. So the informal mechanisms of control are all the things that you grew up just knowing how to do and how to be.
So you grow up just knowing that you should stop at the side of the road and look both ways and then cross when it is safe, right? It’s just a cultural thing. I’ve been in places that had a stronger understanding that pedestrians have the right of way. It is wild.
I grew up, uh, taxes in California in the United States, where if you don’t look both ways before you cross the street, squish. But I’ve been to places where nobody fucking looks. They just walk out.
(26:25 – 27:20)
It is so nerve wracking. But they’re like, we’ll stop. And they just walk through it.
You want to give yourself a panic attack. Watch any video stream of foot and vehicle traffic mingling in places like Bombay. It’s terrifying.
Yikes. But it’s their culture. They know they’re gonna stop.
Or I’ll dodge. I would I would. Oh my god.
I would be on the side of the road going, excuse me. Pardon me. I need to cross that.
I need to Can you? Okay, I’m, I’m, I’m just gonna be right here. Forever. I’m never crossing the fucking road.
(27:26 – 27:33)
Oh, what said I learned so much here. Thank you, Miss Harper. Oh, thank you, darling.
(27:35 – 27:53)
Patty said similar to with accents. Humans have a tendency to see whatever culture they grew up with as the standard to do intense familiarity. White Americans tend to just not have that realization moment of this is not the only way things are done as often because of reasons.
(27:59 – 30:14)
Patty said me learning different aspects of my own culture. I had no clue a lot of people don’t say good morning or afternoon or please and thank you to service workers. And Addie said crosswalks aren’t common.
Some places. Nope. You just walk the fuck out.
Terrifying. Most of Europe is like that. Yikes.
And see Kali responding to Patty said that’s just rudeness. No, it’s not. That’s culture.
Some cultures, you don’t thank the server. In Europe, you don’t tip. What? And it’s because all of the servers are actually paid enough.
Like they’re actually paid. Well, they don’t need the tips. In the United States.
Service workers like tipped service workers make $2.13 per hour. So they need the tip, you have to tip them. Culture.
It’s both overt, because it’s not against the law to pay them that little. It’s legal. And that makes it overt social control.
But it’s also covert, because you have to know this. So if you go to a different place with a different culture and a different set of laws, you run afoul of this. Addie said, Yep, sorry, you people are the outliers.
Tipping being mandatory is cray cray. And Patty says our minimum wage is not less for tipped workers. Yeah, and you guys have universal health care too.
So shut up. America has a lot of problems. But America also has a culture of American exceptionalism.
It’s often completely unfounded. Educate yourselves, folks. The rest of the world has it so much better than we do.
(30:17 – 31:17)
Anyway. Oh, prisoner says in California, the minimum wage for tipped workers are not reduced either. Right? See, even in the United States, different states and different regions have different cultural, cultural mores.
And Addie says bald eagle sounds. Did you know? So the bald eagle noise that you always hear on TV that that that’s not the sound an actual bald eagle makes. Go on YouTube and look up what a bald eagle sounds like because it’s funny as shit.
Bald eagles sound like you’re trying to strangle a helium balloon that’s leaking, like, like this high pitched, weak noise. The sound that’s like, I think it’s a redtail hawk is what you’re actually hearing the iconic eagle noise. It’s not really an eagle.
(31:19 – 34:13)
Oh, yeah, redtail hawk. Yeah. Even the sound of a bald eagle is fake.
Okay. Fear, shame and guilt as social control. They are all both overt and covert social control mechanisms.
When it is an internalized thing that is covert and internal, because you’re not afraid you’re going to get arrested and sent to jail yet for wearing panties. They’re trying to instill an actual legitimate external overt fear of that. Thanks to and by the way, by the time the show finishes where I am, it will be Pride Month.
So happy pride, bitches. Trans women are women. Trans men are men.
Black Lives Matter and free Palestine. So there is a concerted overt attempts right now in the United States to make being trans illegal and cross dressing and I hope you can hear the finger quotes. They’re finger quotes around cross dressing.
Because if a trans woman wears a dress, she’s not cross dressing. Assholes. Anyways, so you might be afraid that you’re going to get in trouble for wearing sexy panties for putting on a cute dress for sucking a dude’s dick for being a slut.
But right now, currently, those things are legal. You can’t actually be currently. As of right now, May 31, 2026, let’s put a timestamp on this fucker.
As of right now, cross dressing is still legal. Most of the time. There are some laws and there are some bills that are going in front of state legislatures to try to make that illegal.
They’re anti-trans laws. They’re worded so that persons whose sex assigned at birth doesn’t match their presentation, they can be penalized legally for that. Which is stupid because I wear pants.
(34:13 – 35:01)
I wear pants. And my men’s relaxed fit jeans? No. No, I like them.
They’re comfy. I wore them in. They’re all broken in.
They’re so nice and soft. You cannot have my men’s jeans. Fuck you.
I don’t care if technically I’m cross dressing. They’re comfy. I will go feral.
Patty says, that sounds dumb and somewhat impossible. It is impossible, which is why it will only actually ever be enforced on trans people, or trans people who don’t pass well. Which is, let me wheel this one right back around to social control.
(35:03 – 35:33)
It’s trying to control the way that people act, the way that they dress, and the way that they behave. Lots and lots of laws that have since been struck down, especially in the U.S., were all attempts by the dominant culture to control the behavior of cultural subgroups, by limiting what they can do and the way that they can act. You want to have an awful lot of fun? Look at a picture of an orthodox Jewish man.
(35:33 – 36:57)
If they make a law saying that all men have to have short hair, we got a problem. They make a law saying that all men cannot wear shirts that are technically dresses, or dresses as shirts, or shirts that have a hem that goes down too low. Orthodox Jewish men are going to have a problem.
If they make a law saying that men can’t wear a shawl, orthodox Jewish men are going to have a problem. The prayer shawl. There’s so much.
Like, men can’t wear earrings. For so very, very long, it was an understood thing in the dominant American culture that men don’t pierce their ears. And then, along comes Stonewall, and gay pride, and gay rights, and in the 80s and 70s, 80s, 90s, you could pierce one earlobe.
And in the gay subculture, which ear you pierced, left or right, could indicate whether you were a top or bottom. Ear piercing became a symbol of inclusion in the gay subculture, and a way to flag that, yep, I’m in there. I’m a friend of Dorothy.
(37:02 – 37:34)
So if they try to outlaw ear piercing, that’s what that’s a reference to. That’s why cultural, informal attempts to control masculinity, in particular, that’s informal social control. Prisoner said at one time, a pierced ear meant you were either gay, a pirate, or a gay pirate.
(37:37 – 37:47)
Yes. Callie said, oh, now that’s a reference I hadn’t heard in a while. Friend of Dorothy.
(37:51 – 38:03)
I know my queer history. Patty says, you won’t be able to convince me that most pirates weren’t somewhat gay. They were.
(38:04 – 39:10)
Oftentimes, pirates wound up being people who were on the absolute fringes of society and the fringes of society are filled up with people who just did not fit in well with mainstream, normal people. And in fact, matey, the pirate term matey refers to matillage, which was a pirate could say, well, this one is my matillage, this person, my mate. If I die, my worldly goods go to my matillage, my matey, my person.
And it was a form of gay marriage. Mic drop. Boom.
Okay. Right. Prisoner said, I find it silly that religious people, insert Christian religious, want men to have short hair when all the depictions of Jesus show him with shoulder length hair.
(39:14 – 40:45)
Well, you know, he hung around with 12 men. So hey, Addie said, side note, Miss Harper, do you know Esme Louise James slash kinky history? I think I know kinky history, but I am shit at remembering names unless I’ve just been studying for an episode. There’s also a Tumblr that I really enjoy that has a bunch of queer history stuff on it.
I have absolutely no hope of finding a post from them in this brief scroll, but they’re great. There’s a, it’s like queer history or queer. Yeah.
Queer history on Tumblr. Love them because they post interesting things and tidbits and, and Patty says, well, actually, fun fact, the most successful in history was a woman. Uh huh.
And she was Chinese. Okay. So how do you set yourself free? Knowing that society has set itself up with both over and covert forms of control to make you afraid to step out of line.
(40:46 – 41:39)
This is where gender roles come in hard in the U S we’re currently having a very noisy fight between progressive people who want things to progress towards a better world and conservative people who think things are fine and should in fact regress to an earlier version of what traditional gender roles would have been performed as. Patty said how to succeed. I’d say step one to take is probably scream.
Yeah, sure. Get loud. That works.
(41:43 – 43:09)
So step one is to recognize that anytime you feel afraid, ashamed, or guilty about something that you did, it’s time to stop and pause and consider what are you afraid of? Really? What are you, what are you afraid of? If you kiss a boy, if you kiss a girl, what are you afraid is going to If you tell your family and loved ones that the pronouns they’ve been using for you don’t really fit that maybe you’d like to be called something else for a while. What are you afraid of? Are you afraid that they’re going to reject you? That they’re going to ignore you and hate you and cast you out? You’ll be lonely forever. I mean, in some circumstances, yes, that is absolutely a could actually happen.
But consider that it might not. It may not. Maybe if you tell your wife that actually I’m bi, and I have been this whole time.
I’m still monogamous. I love you. But I thought it’d be important for you to know this about me because it’s an important part of me.
And it has been weighing on me to keep it hidden from you and keep it secret like this as if it was something to ashamed. But I’m not ashamed of it. And I don’t feel guilty for the fact that I am bisexual.
(43:10 – 46:32)
And I am letting go of being afraid that you will reject me for this. Because if I won’t leave you for another woman, I also won’t leave you for another man. It’s not gonna happen.
You can defeat the thing that scares you and is preventing you from living your best, most perfect possible life. You just have to see it. You have to recognize that.
What are you really afraid of? And how can we mitigate that specific fear? What exactly do you think you did wrong? You fantasized about sucking a dick and got off to it. Oh, no, the thought police are coming for you. You can think about anything you want when you are masturbating.
It’s in your head. You don’t hurt anyone with your thoughts, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Unless you can shoot force lightning while you’re jerking off, and I wouldn’t if you could.
Like, save that because I think electrocuting your dick would be a bad idea. But, like, the thoughts that are happening inside of your head while you’re masturbating are just the thoughts that are happening inside your head. You don’t hurt anybody with your fantasies.
Now, if you’re a dude married to a woman and you cheat on her, it doesn’t matter if you cheated with a woman or if you cheated with a man. Cheating is cheating. That actually does cause harm to your wife and to you.
It’s called moral injury. Guilt hurts you. Shame hurts you.
It is a moral injury. It hurts you on the inside. So, maybe don’t do that.
Prisoner said, I think many conservatives or evangelicals are afraid of accidentally finding a trans woman sexy. Oh, they have definitely accidentally found a trans woman sexy. Lots of them.
It’s not just that they’re afraid they’re going to find a trans woman sexy, it’s that they’re afraid everyone else is going to find out that they found a trans woman sexy. They’re afraid of losing standing in their social circles. Because, trust me, they’re turned on by trans women.
There’s a term for that. It’s called a chaser. Yeah, they’re bad.
Kali said, what are you afraid of? Being thrown into a MAGA concentration camp. Yeah, yeah, that’s a little nerve-wracking. Currently, given the fact that this administration has actually deported citizens with papers, it’s not that far-fetched, which really fucking sucks.
(46:34 – 46:44)
Like, so much suckage. It’s highly unlikely, currently. Currently, it’s not likely.
(46:49 – 48:06)
Maddie said, what if what I’m afraid of is specific people who have made some comments that made me feel like they wouldn’t be that accepting, yet I still rely on them for a lot of support financially and in other ways, too. I will introduce you to a simple thing, and it’s called lying. So, when you rely on somebody for financial support and other support, and you don’t, like, if that is taken away, you are actually in danger, you lie.
I know, terrible, right? We never want to think, well, I never want to lie to my loved ones. Yeah, sometimes you gotta. Does this dress make me look fat? No, it looks great on you.
Or, no, you know, I think if we put a belt here, or if we got this in a different color, or honestly, horizontal stripes make everybody look bad. I don’t even know why they make dresses in horizontal stripes. That’s just asking for trouble.
Let’s get you a nice floral print, right? Come on, you don’t have to say, yeah, it makes you look like a fat cow. I found this recipe, and I made it. What do you think? Tastes like dog food.
(48:06 – 49:02)
Don’t say that. It’s not to my taste. I think there’s something in the spice blend that I didn’t particularly care for.
But you know what? I think if we tweak it a little bit, it could be really good. You don’t have to tell the plain, blunt, unvarnished truth all the time. You can lie.
You can lie to protect yourself, and you can lie to protect the people around you. You can protect them from your poor opinion of their cooking skills, and you can protect yourself from the fear of their rejection. Because eventually, you will no longer need their financial support, or their other types of support.
You will get out from under that. Then, then you can tell them. Because it won’t matter, right? Addy’s going back to the bi thing.
(49:03 – 49:25)
Cheating is bad. But if you’re a woman, and your husband cheating with a man is worse than cheating with a woman, fuck you. Absolutely.
Hell yes. Addy said, uh, the lady online told me to lie to people. Hell yeah, I did.
(49:30 – 50:15)
You’re allowed to lie. Like, absolutely. Hands down.
It’s advice that I give to a lot of people who are gay or bisexual, who are terrified of something bad happening if people find out. Bitch lie. Fuck them.
You can lie. You’re allowed. Yeah, Addy said, when I do ask stuff like that, I want honesty.
I always tell people, like, do you want, how spicy do you want the answer? Because I can give you spicy, muy caliente, or I can be nice. Which one? Because I will tell you, I always warn people. Do you want the truth? Because I’ll tell you.
(50:19 – 52:24)
And I don’t think you really want to know what I actually think. You can also just warn people about that. I don’t think you’re ready for this answer.
I don’t want to have this conversation right now. And I’d like for you to drop it. Just like that.
When you think about doing something, and you feel that spike of fear, it could be anxiety. It could be a stress disorder. Just sometimes our brains are like, ah, tiger.
Over. Thing. Stupid, glitchy, malfunctioning lump of hallucinating fat.
Stuck inside my skull. Fucking with my emotions. I will stuff up.
I will put a fork in my ear. Woo, bitch. Brains can be fucky.
Okay? We accept this. Brain weasels. They get up in there, and then you’re like, afraid of something for no reason.
What the fuck? So, differentiate between, is the thing that you’re afraid of rational? Is it a rational thing to be afraid of? How can you mitigate the thing that you’re afraid of if it is rational? Because there’s usually a safe way to do what you want to do. Most of the time, there is a safe way to do the thing that you really want to do. That won’t hurt you or anyone else.
Sometimes the safe version is, hey, phone sags. What’s up, bitches? You can call me. Let’s talk about your fantasy.
Because talking doesn’t hurt people, especially not me. You’re not going to hurt my feelings. Oh, no.
You want to suck a dick. Anyway, yeah, that’s great. Let’s do it.
Talking to somebody else. Again, you’re allowed to lie. You’re allowed to lie to protect yourself.
(52:25 – 52:41)
Who are you talking to on the phone? Nobody. Oh, yeah. Mistress Harper.
She’s helping me with my fantasies about wearing panties and being fucked in the ass. Uh-huh. Yeah, you can just lie.
(52:43 – 52:53)
A friend. I’m very friendly. What’s up? Patty said, you have such a way with words.
(52:53 – 53:44)
That definition of the concept of perception. Prisoner said, I was talking to a manager about work tomorrow. Watt said, you’re allowed to lie.
Let’s revisit religion now. So religion, Karl Marx said it best. Religion is the opiate of the masses.
Religion is an overt social control. The religious group that you belong to is controlling your behavior. The mechanism that they use to control it is fear.
Often a fear of hell, especially in Christian circles. Any Christian denomination, what are you afraid of? Hell. Eternal condemnation of your soul.
(53:48 – 56:29)
Fear is used to control people. You can also see it being used in politics all the fucking time. Anytime somebody tells you that you should be afraid, this is the thing that you should fear, then I’m going to help make it all better.
They are manipulating you. Anything, anyone that tells you this is scary, here’s how you make the fear go away. By first telling you about the scary thing, telling you you should be afraid of it, and then telling you, well, if you buy my book, I’ll explain to you for just $29.99 exactly how to make the chemicals in your food go away so that you can do clean eating.
They are trying to scare you so that you will act without thinking to their benefit. Anytime something makes you go, oh no, stop. Is that fear rational? Is it reasonable? Is it rooted in fucking reality? There are chemicals in your food.
Yes, that’s what molecules are for. They make chemicals. Everything is a chemical.
That’s how science works. Literally. H2O, water, is a chemical.
It’s a universal solvent. In fact, I legitimately find it so insane how people believe in hell, but not magic and other paranormal stuff. Honestly, how the fuck is the devil real, but Santa is fake? Right? Patty said, if you need the threat of eternal punishment to be a good person, I don’t know if you’re actually a good person.
Yeah, I’m only good because I’m afraid I’ll be punished. Uh, you’re not good because you’re just good. And Patty points out that if somebody tries to sell you a health thing and use the word toxin without elaborating, don’t trust it.
Yeah. Do not. Mott said, want to buy some snake oil from me.
(56:29 – 59:23)
Did you know that the original snake oil worked? It was from a specific Chinese snake and they, it was in the fat on the snake and they would boil the snake and the fat would like rise to the top and they would skim it off. And that was snake oil. And it actually really did help with arthritis and pain.
So actual real snake oil, the Chinese snake, snake oil was the oil that worked, but the guy who made it popular in the American West was just boiling any old snake he came across. It was the wrong kind of snake. And so his snake oil didn’t work.
Isn’t that dumb? The shit that is in my head that I know about, why do I know that? And he said, that’s the funniest possible truth. You can’t make that up, right? It’s so dumb. It’s like, what? What? Aww.
Mott said, I love learning from you, Harper. I know weird shit, man. I know a lot of really weird fucking shit.
Okay. So when you feel the emotion, fear, guilt, and shame, right? Any of those three, and they’re often interlinked. So it can be difficult to parse them out and figure out which exactly you’re feeling.
But when you feel that trifecta, any one of them, is it rational? Is it reasonable? Is it rooted in reality? And what can you do to mitigate it? If it is, that’s how you set yourself free. What do you want to do? I like wearing men’s sport jackets in public. I put my hair up in a tight bun and I have a flap cap.
You know, a cabby cap thing. I love this thing. It’s hideous.
I love it so much. And I put that on and I put on this men’s sport jacket that I got at a thrift store because fuck it. And my men’s cut jeans and boots.
I look like my uncle. It’s so weird. I’m like, oh my god, mom definitely didn’t cheat because I look like my uncles.
Like right there. Like the face shape and everything. And I love it because then I can walk down the street and people are like, like they don’t even, they don’t even respond.
There’s nothing going on there. It’s like putting on camouflage. And let me tell you, the first time I did it, I was so nervous.
(59:23 – 59:29)
I was so afraid. I was like, they’re going to look at me funny. The fuck do I care? Hang on.
(59:29 – 59:39)
They’re going to, they’re going to yell at me. I’ll yell back. They’re going to, they’re going to throw a rock at my head.
Okay. That’s just dumb. Nobody’s going to throw a rock at you.
(59:41 – 1:00:02)
Like I was actually nervous. Those were all the things that I was worried about and afraid of. But then is it rational? Is it reasonable? Is it rooted in reality? No.
Fuck it. We ball. I love it.
I go to like pride events like that. So much fun. It’s awesome.
(1:00:03 – 1:00:08)
They’re like, are you a trans man? I’m like, no, not really. Kind of. No, I’m non-binary.
(1:00:09 – 1:00:25)
I just like fucking with people. So good. So that’s how you set yourself free of social control, basically in a safe way.
(1:00:27 – 1:01:00)
So now I hope that you will go forth and do whatever weird deviant, subversive, counter to cultural norms, weird, wacky bullshit that you’ve been too afraid to do. Do it. You’re not hurting nobody.
Fuck it. Go forth. Whore school is adult sex education.
No fear, no shame, no guilt. Still ethical though. Cause you know, we’ll talk about that in the future.
(1:01:01 – 1:01:43)
Thank you for listening tonight and for listening to the recorded stream. If you want to join us, you can join discord.gg slash enchantrix empire, all one word. Come hang out with us.
It’s fun. Enchantrix radio has a new podcast every single day of the week. Some days we have two.
And I’m actively lobbying to get more people to do podcasts. So you’re welcome. Thank you all for listening.
And I will see you all again next week. I’m going to talk about AI. Gonna be good.
You want to hear me cuss? It’s gonna be great. Good night.
Find the Whore School Schedule right here, and remember to join the Whore School discord for more memes, connection, and all the resources used by Ms Harper for the show. Whore School is adult sex education with no fear, no guilt, and no shame!
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