WS 500 Asexual and Aromantic Identities

Listen to “WS 500 Asexual And Aromantic Identities” on Spreaker.

 

WS 500 Asexual and Aromantic Identities

 

For the 500th episode of Whore School Ms Harper went over the Split Attraction Model, and then went deep into some vocabulary for you! Being able to describe your lived experience invites deeper intimacy and closeness in your relationships, and that starts with realizing that there are people out there who experience the world like you do! And that there are words for it all. The Split Attraction Model springs from the Asexual and Aromantic communities, in which attraction can be thought of as not all one thing: you can be sexually attracted to someone that you don’t want to date, and vice versa. Listen to the show, and read the transcript here for more on asexual and aromantic identities, and learn a ton of new vocabulary terms at the same time!

 

(0:03 – 0:57)
It’s time. It’s time for Whore School. If you’re a whore and you need to be educated, it is time.

It’s time for you to come over here and join me on Discord. We have the Enchantrix Empire Discord server where you can join us for free. Head to discord.gg slash Enchantrix Empire, all one, and join us.

Come hang out. The Enchantrix Radio voice channel is open. Come pop down and chat with us over here.

It’s fun. We’re going to discuss asexual and aromantic identities today. Oh yeah, bitches, this is happening.

(1:01 – 1:27)
So far, I’ve been joined by Addy, Bucky McFucky, Mott, and Patty. Patty says, I’m a whore and I love learning. Good.

It’s the best of all possible worlds. I have way too many tabs open. I just want you all to know this.

(1:28 – 7:14)
We’re going to be discussing the split attraction model. Because it’s important. And we’re going to discuss allo and a sexual and romantic orientations.

Ain’t that fun? So the asexual community, a lot of people will try to tell you that asexuals haven’t been around for all that long. Like it’s a new thing. Um, it’s not that new.

Sorry. We have pictures of people from um, uh, the, you know, the civil rights surge, especially the gay rights surge. We have pictures of people at pride parades with asexual pride gear.

So that’s, um, various flags have been used across the ages, as well as signs saying, Hey, asexuals, we exist. What is now in modern terms in 2026, the LGBTQIA community, you notice I can say it so fast and easy. Now it just rolls off the tongue.

LGBTQIA, lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, questioning or queer intersex and a sexual and a romantic. That’s what the letters stand for. And oftentimes it’s LGBTQIA plus just to be extra inclusive because we want to include all the possible people.

How do you says, I feel like if anyone tries to tell you X thing didn’t exist till recently, and X thing is related to diversity and inclusion, they are probably full of shit. The jitterbug has been around for a while. We may not have had the words for it, but it’s been there for a while.

You have asexual, a romantic and a gender because there’s the split attraction model divides out sexual attraction and romantic attraction. But then there’s also the question of gender and it is possible to stick an A in front of that gender to indicate a person who is non-binary or does not experience. They don’t experience themselves as being a gendered being, a gender.

A is a prefix that indicates a lack of. So if I say a gender, a person is a gender, it is a person who doesn’t not experience gender. A person who is asexual does not experience sexual desire.

A person who is aromantic does not experience romantic desire. And he said, I mean, historically, how would someone know that ace people haven’t existed? It’s not like that every human in existence answered a questionnaire about their sexuality and identity. Word.

And identity is a thing that happens on the inside of you. Identity is how you think of yourself. It’s not necessarily how you act.

And it’s not something that a person can look at you and know, like, I can’t act. I wish I could, like I read tarot. It’d be great if I can look at a person and be like, ah, yes, I know exactly what you’re thinking.

Hell, that’d be great for when I’m at work to be able to just know like, ah, okay, I know what you want. I know what you need. Muahahaha.

Best mistress in the whole entire world. No, we still have to use your words and you still have to communicate the things that are on the inside of your head. Please and thank you.

Bucky McFucky said you could probably find Roman texts on it. Yeah. Yeah.

Greek and Roman philosophers thought about a whole lot of stuff and humans are definitely extremely prone to being thinky about sex. Patty says ace people theoretically can have a problem with being perceived socially given it’s categorized by a lack of an experience. If no one asked, they’d just seem regular with heavy quotes.

And then she edges herself by saying, I don’t think. I think. Don’t quote me, though I’m not ace.

If an ace person says differently, take their word. Truth. It is really hard to look at a person and know what’s going on with them.

You can’t look at somebody and go, oh, I can, you know, unless they’re wearing the flag colors with a giant pin that says, hi, I’m ace. You can’t tell just by looking at a person, just like you can’t tell just by looking at somebody, if they’re bisexual, you might get the vibe. Like you can’t just look at a person and go, oh, you’re definitely gay.

(7:14 – 9:14)
You don’t fucking know. People who are drag queens, for example, they might be a cis man. They might be a straight cis man who just enjoys drag, dressing up in very exaggerated costumes and makeup to look kind of like a woman.

They might be a straight man. You don’t fucking know. You don’t know what somebody does with their sexuality unless they tell you what they do with their sexuality.

Oh no. And he said, oh, fuck flags. Right.

I got to take the pins off my bag for a bit, just in case. I don’t, I, anything that’s like, oh, just in case, let me hide who I am. I hate that.

I’m sorry, Patty. She says it’s a long story that involves bigoted people. It always does.

Assholes. Jerk asses. Okay.

Split attraction model. Split attraction model. I often like to tell people that the split attraction model came from asexual people on the internet.

That’s the more modern concept of the split attraction model. The first recorded book that talked about the split attraction model is from 1879 from a German writer who published 12 books on non-heterosexual attraction, Karl Heinrich Ulrichs. Yep.

(9:20 – 9:54)
So it’s been around for a minute. Um, he was talking about, um, yeah, basically not straight people, non-hetero, specifically not heterosexual people as, um, bisexuals that were injunctive or disjunctive, which is, oh God, complex. I’m not going to try to pronounce that in German.

(9:56 – 10:21)
For having tender and passionate feelings. So romance for both men and women or, um, having tender feelings for people of the same, like, but feeling in love for people of a different, that would be a heteroromantic homosexual. Don’t worry, I’m going to explain it to you.

(10:22 – 10:43)
1979, we’ve got a psychologist, Dorothy Tenoff, who published a book about love and limerence. Limerence is a word that means that the emotions that come from feeling in love it is, we got a lot of words is what I’m trying to tell you. Okay.

(10:45 – 11:06)
Limerence is a mental state of being madly in love or infatuated when you’re not sure if it’s reciprocated. So the early stages of, of love. Yeah.

(11:08 – 11:55)
Look, people think about this kind of stuff so fucking much. Yeah. Mott says in love with being in love, there’s just like in love.

Carl was Carl. Yeah. Carl was a, it was a German dude.

It’s from 1879. He’s dead now. Patty said to my understanding, the split attraction model separates the concept of sexual and romantic attraction and regarding them as a continuum independent of each other, thus allowing for the potential for people to have both only one or neither attraction.

(11:56 – 12:33)
Yeah, pretty much. The split attraction model explains so fucking much about human behavior. It really, really does.

There are an awful lot of people in this world, jizzy and girly girl, happy birthday, by the way. So there are people in this world who are sexually attracted to the same gender as themselves, but they do not want to date them. And for gay guys, I don’t blame you.

(12:37 – 15:40)
So they are homosexual, heteroromantic, the split attraction. They want to be in a romantic relationship. Maybe they’re bisexual.

They don’t mind fucking both men and women, but they only want to be in a romantic relationship with a woman. It’s entirely possible that an awful lot of the guys who call me up because they’re like, I really want to suck a dick. Oh, okay.

I cannot open up your skull and define for you the words that are going to match best. But for an awful lot of them, dude, bisexual or homosexual, heteroromantic. Becky said someone can be sexually attracted to a gender or sex and romantically attracted to a different gender or sex for show.

Yes. Uh-huh. Patty says, hi, that’s kind of me.

That’s exactly it. Bisexual, heteroromantic. And then she says, I felt bad about that one for a bit.

LOL. Yeah. It’s because if you don’t know what these words are and you don’t have them to describe your lived experience to someone else, then you feel bad about it.

Like, oh no, something’s wrong with me because I’m not normal. Everybody else is either gay or straight. Okay.

Well, there’s bisexual people, but by not separating sex and romance into two different things for those people who do experience different attractions, sexual and romantic, it’s weird as shit and deeply confusing. It takes people a long, long fucking time to figure this out. And oftentimes it does require that they run across these terms somewhere.

Thank you, internet. At which point most people go, oh, well, fuck. That explains me.

The reason why we have these words and these terms and all of this stuff is because it’s a whole bunch of people who are trying desperately to be, to explain themselves first to themselves and second to other people. You want to be able to explain to somebody, this is how I experienced the world. Do you experience it the same way? Because there’s something really awesome about growing up and feeling kind of weird and broken and then discovering that, oh no, you’re not weird and broken.

You’re just rare, uncommon, but you’re not alone. There are people who are like you and it’s okay. You’re not broken.

(15:41 – 17:27)
You’re not broken. You’re fine. I remember in my youth watching people in relationships making really, really, really stupid decisions for the sake of romance, for the sake of, well, but I love him.

So you’re going to drop out of school in order to go move in with him in an RV. That’s dumb. I don’t care how much you love him.

Don’t do the dumb thing. It used, it baffled me. Oh, it baffled me.

Drove me absolutely around the bend. I could not understand how all these people were making such dumb decisions. And it was pretty much everybody because I’m aromantic.

I don’t experience romantic attraction towards people. I got interested in sex, sexuality, gender, gender expression, and romance because I was looking at the way that people were acting and going, I don’t know why you act like this. I want to understand it.

So I’m going to study you like a bug until I can understand it. And she said, she said, said, ha, ha, ha. Drop out of school to go live with him in an RV.

(17:27 – 19:29)
That’s really dumb when you say it because it was really, really dumb. And he said, I love it when the Phobes say we, the LGBTQIA plus community rely on Cishet people for reproduction. And I’m always like, dude, bi and trans people exist.

Within these two groups, there are several combinations that could generate new humans. Right? I’m always like, you do realize you don’t have to love somebody to fuck them. Right? As long as you can get it up and lube exists, sex can happen.

You, Patty said there’s a difference between love and infatuation. Yeah, but an awful lot of people do not know. They do not know there’s a difference.

They do not recognize there’s a difference. They don’t act like there’s a difference. And then they make decisions based on, well, they make choices that I wouldn’t.

Patty says I’ve been feeling romantic feelings for a bit now towards someone, but I won’t fully uproot my life. Only partially. She said I’d never drop out of school for a person, but real loving relationships require compromises on both sides to last and reciprocate.

Yes. Both sides. Real quick.

How many compromises do you think the guy with the RV made? Not many. Which is part of what made it a dumb decision. I don’t know.

(19:33 – 20:07)
See, Bucky said I feel like cis straight men such as myself have a bad rap. Some of us have open minds. Some of you do have open minds.

And in fact, I would argue that a majority of you have open minds. Right? But hearing about the the travails of other people and how somebody else has had a hard time of it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are personally responsible for that hard time. Oh, Maude says I’m going to start identifying as a grandma.

(20:08 – 20:26)
Did you make a good cookie? You got a great cookie recipe? Oh, see, Patty said my point was that wasn’t real love. Okay. You have, you have activated.

(20:29 – 20:46)
You’ve activated one of my special interests. But I’m telling you, I got really interested in trying to figure out what’s love? What is romance? What is what is it? Because I don’t experience it. So what the fuck is it? I know I don’t.

(20:47 – 22:12)
And the reason I know that I don’t is because I looked into what is it? So it wasn’t real love. Yeah, it was. It was a type of love.

There’s different types of love. I know. Just to really drive you crazy.

There are different types of love. There’s passionate love. There’s intimate love.

There’s a bunch. There are many, many like there’s stages of love that people will go through. Oftentimes, love is a thing that there’s so many different ways to define what love is.

For example, here, I’ll make it really, really easy. Patty’s like, no, ignore me. I said a dumb thing.

No, you didn’t say a dumb thing. You just said a thing that gets me going. Sorry.

And it’s topical. So ha ha. I love cookies.

Right? I love cookies. I also love having somebody eat my pussy. I love my dog.

Both of them. I love my cats. I love sleeping in on rainy mornings.

(22:13 – 23:06)
Right? You can think of love in all those different ways. There are some people in the world that I love. Not in a romantic way, though.

You know, I just heard you all go, wait, what? Micro-identities. There are specific things that in some people can trigger sexual attraction or romantic attraction or altruist attraction. Okay.

I know. I just threw a wild ass concept and some vocabulary at you. Don’t worry.

I got you. I’m going to tell you. Altruist attraction is basically a kind of attraction, either sexual or romantic, that the person experiencing it doesn’t fucking understand.

(23:07 – 24:41)
It means other. Other attraction. There’s platonic attraction, which is usually thought of as the opposite of romantic attraction.

Yes. And Addy said that’s why the ancient Greeks were big brains with different words for love. Yes.

They had eros, which was like passionate romantic love. There’s familial love, friendly love, platonic love, romantic love, self-love, guest love, divine or unconditional love. That’s agape, eros, philia, philatia, storge, and xenia.

There’s other types of love. Courtly love, compassionate love, unrequited love, empty love, the love of a companion. There’s so many.

There’s many more. Every single society and culture on the planet has looked at and thought about love. What is love? What really is the difference between if I say I love cookies and I love my husband? What’s the difference? Right? And so a lot of people have put their big brains to work trying to figure those out.

(24:45 – 27:06)
The chat room is singing, what is love? Baby, don’t hurt me. Was it real love when this person that I knew chose to drop out of university to go live in an RV? I can’t tell you if that was real love or not, because it’s something that happened inside them, their head and their heart, whatever portion of themself is the part that feels the emotion. That’s where that emotion was happening.

And unless you have the words to speak it, coherently, to explain what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling this way, then it has to remain a mystery. Unfortunately, this person ran across me at a point in my life in which I didn’t have the words to describe this stuff. I didn’t know what the hell was going on.

I just looked at their behavior and went, that’s a dumb choice. Because rationally, logically, it’s a dumb choice. But they were in love for whatever value of love they were experiencing.

No one knows. Okay, altruist attraction. Altruist attraction is one of the ones.

Let me get you the… If you go to Reddit, there’s a subreddit for aromantic and there’s a thing that pops up right in the top. What is altruist attraction? It’s somewhere between platonic and romantic that isn’t queer platonic. I know, another new word for you.

I’ll put it into the chat so you know how to spell it. Altruist, queer platonic relationships. It’s in there.

(27:06 – 28:22)
Queer platonic is one of those portmanteaus that the meaning is on the surface. Queer as in not straight. Platonic as in not romantic.

We try not to define things in terms of what it’s not, but sometimes you got to define it by what it’s not. When what it’s not is your traditional straight romantic relationship. A queer platonic relationship, it ain’t straight, it ain’t romantic, but it can be a relationship that is really important to a person.

I have queer platonic relationships because I’m aromantic. They are close, intimate, caring, reciprocal relationships that mean a lot to me. They’re not romantic, but they still means a lot to me.

The shorthand for that one would be a QPR. If you hear somebody say, oh yeah, my QPR or QP, it’s queer platonic. That’s what that means.

(28:22 – 31:29)
It means it’s not straight and it’s very queer and it’s queer as opposed to gay because it’s not, it, it encompasses more gender than just gay does. Gay implies whatever gender you think I am, I’m attracted to the same gender as myself, right? That’s gay or lesbian. Queer is I am attracted to not straight in some way.

So it can be T for T, which is trans for trans. Oftentimes people who are as trans or somewhere in the non-binary spectrum are attracted to people who are also trans or on the non-binary spectrum. At this point in my life, and I swear to God, they didn’t start out this way, but this point in my life, all my close personal relationships are, are somewhere non-binary trans on some level, all of them.

No, wait, there’s one person who’s not, but she is bisexual. So she’s still queer. So it’s a whole bunch of people who one by one by one by one, eventually started coming out going, yeah, it turns out that I’m not straight or cis.

Surprise. It’s pretty awesome. Patty said, uh, all I can say is there’s a person who makes me light up whenever we just get to hang out in a way that’s different from other friends.

So I think that’s something adjacent to romantic love. Hell yes. Then she called me a baker because I’m cracking eggs.

A lot of these are people that I’ve known like since university days. Like, so I’ve known them a while and then they’re just randomly like, oh yeah, it turns out I’m, I’m non-binary. Like shit.

You too? Damn. But it’s true. Um, non-binary people tend to clump up.

We hang out together. It’s fine. Okay.

So queer platonic and altruist attraction. An altruist attraction is sometimes also called a squish because you, you want to hang out with your squish. It’s not a crush, right? A crush is when you have the beginnings of a romantic attraction to somebody.

You have a crush on them. You want to be close to them. You want to spend time with them.

You want to touch them in a sexual way. You want to kiss them and hug them and you know, be near them all the time because you’ve got a crush and you get all fluttery and you blush and you’re, you feel that kind of jittery. Oh my God.

(31:30 – 33:23)
A squish, very, very similar to a crush. Maybe it’s a little bit less intense and oftentimes it doesn’t necessarily have to involve the sexual parts or, and the romantic parts. Sometimes it’s just, wow, that person is so cool and so neat and I want to get to know them and I want to talk to them and I want to, I want to spend time with them.

Not in a romantic way. I just want to be near them and talk to them. I think we’d have a good conversation.

It’s like me and mistress Michelle, right? I just want to talk with her. I just want to be near her. A little bit of a squish.

I think she’s neat. Miss Hadley, I just want to talk to her. I want to be near her.

She’s neat too. Not in a romantic way. Occasionally in a sexual way because hey, but not in a, you know, ooh, let’s date sort of a way.

For one thing, I don’t roll that way. Oh, Mont says, I’ll always be here when you wake. Oh, Patty’s going to tell on me.

Patty said, maybe something to do with finding communities away from people who wouldn’t accept them and spending more time with them leading to the development of deeper relationships, maybe. Maybe. What’s really odd is the fact that this happens, like it doesn’t just happen to me.

(33:25 – 34:55)
The people that you tend to make friends with and hang out with and build a community with, right, are often people that you share things in common with. So if you’re a little bit on the queer end of the spectrum, the odds are extremely good that the people that you are spending time with and that you enjoy being around are also somewhere on the queer end of the spectrum. Even if it might take them 10 or 15 years to figure it out.

These things happen. Okay. Spectrum identities.

There are many, many, many identities. One of the most important things that I think that you dear listener should learn and listen is the idea of compulsory sexuality. It is the assumption that everyone experiences sexual attraction and that everyone should desire sex and partake in it along with compulsory romantic romanticism, assuming that everybody wants a relationship, that everybody wants sex, everybody wants a relationship.

(34:56 – 36:07)
It’s not true. There’s also a little concept out there called heteronormativity. Heteronormativity, unless you have unpacked this and destroyed the concept for yourself inside your own head, you definitely have heteronormativity.

Heteronormativity is the tendency to assume that all the people around you are heterosexual romantics. The automatic assumption when you meet somebody, right, and they have a wedding ring on and you think, oh, well, this nice guy has a wedding ring on. What’s your wife’s name? Right? The automatic assumption that of course, if this man is wearing a wedding ring, he must be married to a woman.

That’s heteronormativity. And it’s even the assumption that, well, I just met this nice guy and I have a friend who’s single and she happens to be looking for a guy. I should hook them up.

(36:09 – 36:39)
You’re assuming that both of those people would be open to a heterosexual, heterogromantic relationship. It is, oh, you got work, Patty. Good night, Patty.

And Bucky said, it’s 2026, you spouse people. Yes. Spouse is a great way to start breaking down heteronormativity, but it’s also just the automatic assumption that, that this is what people would want.

(36:39 – 40:53)
That everyone you meet must be heterosexual and heteroromantic. They’re not. Not everyone you meet is heterosexual.

Not everyone you meet is cis. Oh, and for all the people out there who are like, oh, I can always tell. No, you fucking can’t.

You cannot fucking tell. No, you can’t tell just by looking at somebody, whether or not they are trans or not. Yes.

Just put that to one side. Transvestigators online who are like, oh, they’ve got really masculine looking collarbones. Addie said, gendered languages say hi.

We don’t have the luxury of many actual neutral words, which is where an awful lot of the language is coming from, where you’re like, where the fuck did that word come from? Yeah. We’re building language over here. Oftentimes, and I know it’s terrible.

A lot of the words are coming from Greek and Roman or Greek and Latin, um, prefixes, suffixes, and bases in order to build interesting new words. Like abroromantic, abroromantic, right? And you might be thinking, what the daylight shit is that? It’s the word romantic with the prefix abro attached to it. It’s a person who fluctuates between experiencing romantic attraction and not experiencing it.

It’s also for possible to be in sexual, abrosexual. It’s called aroflux or aceflux. Ace, by the way, is the shortened term for asexual, ace, aro for aromantic, aro.

It’s just a faster way to say it. So people who are abro, their attraction changes and fluctuates. This doesn’t have any reference in this particular name to what causes their attraction to fluctuate.

For some people who experience our aceflux or aroflux, they don’t know why it fluctuates. Is it hormones? Maybe. Is it the moon phase? Maybe.

Is it like, there’s no reference within that term for why. And it’s because sometimes people experience fluctuations in their sexuality, their sexual attraction or their romantic attraction for no fucking reason or not a reason that they can tell. Akoi, A-K-O-I, akoiromantic or akoisexual or lith.

Lith or akoi are basically the same thing. Akoiromantic, lithromantic, akoisexual, lithosexual. They stick an O in there because otherwise it’s lithsexual, which just sounds weird.

It’s a person who does experience romantic or sexual attraction, but they do not want it reciprocated. And in fact, for some people, if their attraction is reciprocated, it goes away. That’s kind of dumb, right? A lithsexual sometimes can be used to describe a person who doesn’t want to receive sexual contact, but might be willing to give it.

(41:03 – 42:32)
Bucky said at work, there was a new guy and he started flirting with a trans woman, my coworker. He didn’t know. She said, my dick is probably bigger than yours.

And he turned beet red and I fucking lost it. That’s one way to tell somebody that, look, you need to, you need to slow your roll, buddy. We’re at work.

This isn’t for dating. Matt said he’s learning new vocabulary. There’s so much new vocabulary.

It’s because these are words that are to describe ways of experiencing the world. It gets real, real specific. So allo, A-L-L-O.

Allo and A are the matched up pairs. They’re older. An allosexual is a person who does experience sexual attraction.

An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction. Allo, A. Easy, right? We’re going right back and we’re Latin right there. Straight up freaking Latin.

That’s what that is. So if you do experience sexual attraction, you are allosex or allosexual. See? If you do experience romantic attraction, you are alloromantic.

(42:35 – 45:44)
Okay. Apothe. This one’s going to blow you guys’ mind.

I’m really, really sorry, but also I’m not sorry at all. A-P-O-T-H-I. Apothe.

Apothesexual or apotheromantic. Apothe means repulsed. It is possible for a person to be asexual and to find the idea of sex gross.

They’re repulsed by sex. They’re repulsed by all the parts of sex. They think they’re like bodily fluids are nasty.

That’s dreadfully gross. And I never ever want to look at it or think about it or experience that in any way. So just the idea of don’t touch me and I’ll never touch you.

And nope, nope, nope. It’s gross. Like it can really result in feelings of like physical revulsion and disgust.

So apothesexual or apotheromantic. An apotheromantic person is, they would look at like, somebody comes over and is like, Oh, I just really like you. And I want to, I want to date you.

And here’s some flowers. And their response is to go, Ew, gross. I’m aromantic.

I don’t experience romantic attraction. So when somebody else experiences romantic attraction towards me, I’m always a little bit confused by it, but I’m not repulsed by it. I just don’t reciprocate.

And I oftentimes I miss the cues. When people are feeling that kind of way towards me. I don’t see it.

And then all of a sudden they’re like, Oh, I just want to, I just want to date you. And I’m like, what? Huh? Why? Where’d that come from? Talking about? No way. Okay.

There’s more. Autochori. Aego.

Autochori. We’re getting super duper compound here. A-U-T-O-C-H-O-R-I.

Autochorisexual or ajo sexual. A-E-G-O. Someone who is aroused by sex that doesn’t involve themself.

So I’ve talked a little bit about object sexuality before. So in terms of people who, um, it’s a, it’s a very specific subset of fetishes that some people can experience. So people who have object sexuality, there was the woman who, um, married the Eiffel tower because she fell in love with it.

(45:45 – 47:23)
Right? So that’s object sexuality and object romanticism. Um, it’s people who, uh, a shoe fetish, a stocking fetish, a panty fetish. Uh, if you are sexually attracted to lipstick, that kind of thing, that’s object sexuality.

And it’s, yeah, Mott says silk. Bucky said though, accused, I’m not sexually attracted to my truck. That’s what somebody who is sexually attracted to a truck would say.

So the disconnection between the self and the sexual object or activity, that’s where autocorosexual. They, um, read fantasies. They watch porn.

They watch people having sex, but they don’t want to participate in it. They, there’s a, there’s just a disconnection between, I like looking at it. I like thinking about it.

I experienced some form of sexual arousal. I just don’t want to do it. Autocorosexual.

QPO romantic or QPO sexual. This one, this is one of the weird ones. And it’s because of the asexual community and the aromantic community that we know about this one.

(47:24 – 48:08)
It’s a person who desires a romantic or sexual relationship, but doesn’t experience sexual attraction. QPO. And he says they allowed that.

Like I get marrying some personal object, but a landmark. I mean, how do you stop them? It’s not a legal marriage. It’s not legal at all.

There’s no way. Her name was Erica and she changed her last name to Eiffel. She got an apartment in Paris that overlooks the park where the Eiffel tower is so that she can look at it and she considers herself married to the Eiffel tower.

(48:10 – 49:36)
That’s one of those fairly famous examples of object sexuality. Yeah. It leads to a lot of people going, what? Yeah.

It’s weird. Okay. So QPO sexual or QPO romantic would be like, if I, and it could have defined me a little bit when I was younger, before I understood what was going on.

I wanted to fall in love. I wanted the traditional romantic relationship. It’s really hard to have your traditional romantic relationship when you do not experience romantic attraction.

It’s real fucking hard, man. It resulted in a lot of frustration and confusion. People who experienced QPO sexual or QPO romantic desires, they want it, but they don’t experience the inbuilt desire for it.

The wanting is a more mental, I want this. I want the traditional relationship. I don’t feel desire for it.

(49:43 – 50:44)
Okay. So, um, a couple of weeks ago in the Whore School discord, people were asking about Demi sexual. So we’re about to get into some of the fun ones.

Demi and gray are the ones that I really want to talk about. Demi or Demi romantic or Demi sexual, but sometimes it’s Demi aromantic or Demi asexual. Okay.

Or gray romantic. And it could be gray row or gray a row or gray aromantic or gray asexual. Somewhat related.

Gray means a person who sometimes or occasionally or very rarely experiences the attraction. The attraction might be weak. It might be infrequent.

(50:45 – 55:11)
Sometimes it just kind of happens. Um, oftentimes it’s Eddie says I’m people, right? Gray and Demi are very, very similar. Gray is a weak attraction or, um, an intermittent attraction.

Demi is an attraction that comes into being when you get to know a person. So it’s based on knowing who the person is and building a non-sexual or non-romantic relationship with them first. And then eventually you begin to experience sexual or romantic attraction towards them.

And it may start off weak and build over time. Fun. A lot of people who are asexual or aromantic may discover much to their surprise that, Oh, Hey, it turns out you’re actually Demi.

You just needed to get to know somebody before the desire started to happen. So there’s some asexual people who all of a sudden get horny to one degree or another. And sometimes it starts off with a low level of horny, but it can build.

And he says it requires rapport, rapport. Bucky McFucky said friends first, lovers later. An awful lot of people, um, when they hear the definition of what Demi sexual or Demi romantic is, they’re like, well, that’s just how people are.

Welcome to the legitubiqua. You’ve joined us. Good job.

LGBTQIA plus person. Good for you. Thank you for coming out on the one hand.

Um, some people may actually be Demi. Maybe you hear the definition of what a Demi is and you say, well, that’s just how it is. That’s how I’ve always experienced sexual attraction or romantic attraction.

Once I get to know somebody, then I like them, right? There are people in this world who do not need to know anything about another person before they experience romantic or sexual attraction towards them. There are people who are that horny or that romance inclined. They don’t need to get to know you before they want to have sex with you.

This is where swingers come from. Swingers are definitely not Demi sexual. I’m just saying people who go for anonymous sex, definitely not Demi sexual because that is the opposite of what a Demi sexual person would like.

But that is the kind of situation that a person who experiences fray attraction, F-R-A-Y. And I definitely want to talk to you about this one. Fray romantic or fray sexual.

They experience sexual or romantic attraction upon meeting someone, but the more they get to know the person, the more their attraction fades. They are the exact fucking opposite of Demi. Jizzhead said, how do you spell Demi? And spelled it exactly like that.

D-E-M-I. Demi as in petite. Like a Demitasse.

What else is described with Demi as in small? A Demitasse cup is like a coffee cup that’s really, really tiny. Like those little itty bitty espresso cups are Demitasse. Yeah.

Bloop. Demi. Tiny.

Addie said, it’s funny people discovering things by saying out loud their personal experiences without realizing not everyone is like that. My favorite is cis people don’t question their gender often. You’ll scare off the eggs.

(55:13 – 55:24)
Oh, Addie said a Demi God. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. She said, I think it’s more about the half. Yeah.

Demi small. Demi means small. So small attraction.

(55:27 – 59:05)
Although in this case, a person who is Demi sexual, the attraction grows and builds as they get to know the person. So it starts small and gets more intense as they know the person. And sometimes it starts as nothing.

And then all of a sudden they’re like, oh, hello. I have a libido. Where’d that come from? The fuck? Or, oh, I want to hold their hand? Ew.

Yeah. Demi. Small.

Small attraction that builds into something bigger. And fray. People who experience fray sexuality, stranger sex works for them.

But as soon as they get to know the person, well, now they’re not into it anymore. There’s nothing wrong with fray. Fray romantic or fray sexual.

You’re fine. Peri oriented. Peri means your attractions match.

So this is going back to the split idea. The split attraction. So if you are heterosexual, heteroromantic, great.

You’re perioriented. Perioriented. P-E-R-I oriented.

If you’re homosexual and homoromantic, great. You’re perioriented. Good job.

If you are bisexual or homosexual and heteroromantic, you are not perioriented. You’re varioriented. V-A-R-I.

Varioriented as in variegated. Or various. Varioriented.

So qua. Qua romantic or qua sexual. It’s literally French.

Qua. Which means what? Quafro or quasex people. Literally people who are confused by their own experience.

So it’s also called WTF romantic or WTF sexual. What the fuck? Qua. So quafro or quasex is a person who is confused by what the hell is going on with themselves.

It’s a great one for people who are like, I don’t know what the fuck is going on with me. Sometimes people who have identified as aro or asexual as they discover that they might be demi often will slide through qua on the way. There’s that moment of, I don’t know what the fuck’s going on over here.

I don’t know what my body is doing. I don’t know why. Why? So there’s a word for it.

There’s a defined word to describe the fact that, well, you’re confused. It’s qua. Or what the fuck? Literally WTF sexual.

(59:08 – 1:00:43)
Mott says, was this episode 500? It is. This is episode number 500, which means that now there are 500 hours of Whore School. Holy shit.

I kind of like that I spent my 500th episode throwing vocabulary at all of you. Teaching you all sorts of fascinating new words and also explaining to you a little bit about myself. I have squishes.

I have QPRs, queer platonic relationships. I’m aromantic. I’m also non-binary.

Every now and then I really wish I could have a penis. Like I want a dick. That’d be so fun.

I have to make do with a strap. That’s fine. Dang it.

Anyhow, Addy said headpats. I know, right? I want a dick. Like not I want a person with a dick.

I just, I just want to have one. Anyway, this is Whore School. It’s adult sex education.

No fear, no guilt, no shame. And if sometimes you look at your sexuality and go, what the fuck? Hey, now you know there’s a word for that. Qua-sexual.

Good job. Thank you guys for listening. I hope you did actually learn something.

(1:00:44 – 1:00:57)
You probably did. This is Whore School where you will learn that it is a threat. Thank you guys for listening.

Go forth, drink water. Good night.

 

Find the Whore School Schedule right here, and remember to join the Whore School discord for more memes, connection, and all the resources used by Ms Harper for the show. Whore School is adult sex education with no fear, no guilt, and no shame!