WS 490 Autism, ADHD, and Sex

Listen to “WS 490 Autism ADHD and Sex” on Spreaker.

 

WS 490 Autism, ADHD, and Sex

 

Finishing off the Mental Health and Sex discussion from March 8, Ms Harper brought it on home with the Autism, ADHD, and Sex episode on March 16, 2026. Listen and learn all about some of the challenges that Autism can bring to relationships, and then blow your own mind with how ADHD also introduces extra challenges. Finally, learn some tips for overcoming the issues that can arise with even a touch of the ’tism! Neurotypicals and nuerodivergents can have happy, health relationships that include sex!

 

(0:00 – 3:27)
That’s the chime. When you hear the chime go off, that means Whore School is on the air. Ta-da! It’s like magic.

I’m here. You’re here. Join me.

Go to communitykink.com because the chat room is open. It is available. You can pop right on in.

Come hang out for a little bit. It’ll be fun. Tonight, we’re going to finish our discussion from last week about mental health and sex.

Specifically, we’re going to talk about autism, ADHD, and sex because we, well, I didn’t finish. I demand to finish. You know me.

I always gotta finish. Whore School is adult sex education that airs live every Sunday evening from 11 to midnight on the East Coast. That’s 8 to 9 on the West Coast time zones.

Figure it the fuck out. So far in the chat room, I’ve got Kali, Mott, Patti, and Sissy Terry have all popped in here to join me. Hi, guys.

Patti is nervous. I don’t know why you’re nervous. Don’t be nervous.

It’s perfectly fine. You’ll be fine. Just deep breaths if you start to feel overwhelmed.

I’m a little bit lower energy today because I was super duper extra busy yesterday and the day before. I was doing stuff, so I’m physically sleepy. I’m tired.

I want a nap. Oh, Kali says that I have that effect on people. I make them nervous.

Who, me? I’m sweet. Yeah, I know. I know.

I promise I’m not lying per se. I just also think it’s funny that people are nervous around me. Hashtag life goals.

Terry says you have a gift. Hey, and Miss Addie has joined us in here too. Excellent.

So let’s talk about exactly what autism is. It’s always good. You ready for this? All right.

Autism is not a mental illness. Technically. It affects your mind.

It messes with your mind. It affects the way that you think sometimes, but autism is not a mental illness in the same way that we think of a mental illness as like depression. Autism spectrum disorder.

(3:30 – 3:51)
It’s only a disorder because neurotypical people, people who don’t have autism, have problems interacting with people who do have autism. Autism creates difficulties in social communication and interactions. It messes with sensory processing.

(3:52 – 4:24)
It can result in very focused interests and interest in predictability and routine and repetitive behaviors. Autism is, right? Patty says I also would not consider it truly a disorder. I know.

There’s some words. There are some words. There are words in here, and we are not fans of them.

Okay. There is a test you can take. The RADS R test.

(4:27 – 12:12)
And it will rank you based on where it’s like, okay, I can see how I just dropped it in there into the chat. And I will put it in the discord as well. If you take the RADS R test, it will give you a number score that you can use to kind of see how neurotypical or non-neurotypical you are.

Yes. Patty said most of autism is defined and then more specifically treated from the perspective of making the people around the person with ASD comfortable rather than the autistic person comfortable. Yeah.

Which drives me absolutely bonkers. Autism changes the way that a person’s brain works. It changes the way that they take in information.

It changes the way that they understand verbal and non-verbal communication. It messes with their ability, their executive function, so your ability to decide when you’re going to do an action. And it messes with your sensory processing.

It can make people very, very sensitive to things going on in their world around them. It can result in repetitive behaviors. It can delay or affect in a negative direction, making it more difficult.

Motor skills. And it can result in some interesting changes to the way that your behavior and your thinking work together. Should I study before the test? Take the test.

And as you’re taking it, so I’ve taken it. I’ve taken the RADS R because I wanted to find out. And I discovered for myself that if you mask, if you are a grown-ass human motherfucking adult who has a tendency to change the way that you behave based on the group that you’re within, so that’s called masking.

It can also be code switching. But if you do anything like that, taking the RADS R can be really, really tricky because you will try to mask as you take the test. And you’ll be thinking to yourself, what’s the right answer? And so you’ll notice, at least I noticed, that I would think in terms of, well, I know what the expected answer is.

I know what the answer they want is if I’m going to portray like the right answer. If I’m going to give them the behavior and the answer that is wanted versus the answer that is innate. So the chat room is discussing the use of tone indicators.

So Addie says, I’ve seen other people use slash S. What does it mean exactly? It means sarcastic. It’s a tone indicator in text because text-based communications doesn’t have tone of voice. Like when I’m talking, you can tell when I’m joking because, one, I’m laughing.

That. And two, the tone of voice is happy, cheerful, and upbeat. You can also tell when I’m being very serious because the tone of voice becomes much more controlled, calm, and cold.

Right? But that doesn’t come across in text. Tomorrow or Tuesday, check WhoreSchool.net because the transcript will be up. You won’t be able to tell just by reading this what my voice sounded like.

Right? So in text communication, people have developed tone indicators. And it’s usually indicated by the slash and then a set of letters that indicate the tone. So if you say slash JK, that means I’m joking.

You see, Addie says, the other letters mean other stuff? Or is it just the S and fuck other tones? Nope. There’s a ton of them. So you can do slash LOL, laughing out loud.

Slash S is sarcastic. Slash SRS is I’m serious. Like my tone is serious when I say this.

SRS or slash JK is pretty common. Especially if you’re worried somebody won’t recognize the fact that, hey, that was a joke. I was kidding.

You can also do slash K for kidding. Just kidding. Yep.

Well, it says just kidding. JK. Yep.

Joking or just kidding. Terry says, I need a JK when I speak. That can be one of the hallmarks of autism because it does have trouble conveying tone.

Sometimes people with autism have a very flattened affect. And that means when they speak, everything comes out in the same tone. They don’t change their tone.

Everything comes across exactly the same. Even if they’re telling a joke, it comes across almost robotic. Patty said, if you have a tendency to say you’re joking immediately after making a joke, you may have autism.

Mont said BTW DYK spelling words takes time. Patty asked, is this an American thing? A constantly online thing? An English speaker thing? It is language dependent because not all languages JK wouldn’t necessarily apply in another language. So it’s language dependent.

So different communities and different groups would have different tone indicators. It is a very online thing because it came across from chat rooms. It’s chat speak tone indicators in chat so that it comes across.

It comes from IRC chat rooms. Patty said that’s also where LOL came from too. All of the text abbreviations, BTW, DYK, LOL, all of those and emojis.

Emojis originally, before they started doing emojis that were like the little yellow face, it was all text emojis. So it would be a semicolon and a closed parenthesis to make a smiley face instead of whatever’s built into your computer or device at this point. Emoticons.

Yep. There goes the chat providing benches. So problems with tone and with conveying specific meaning is a known thing with autism.

(12:14 – 18:06)
The reason why so many people lose their absolute brain power over autism is because some individuals, not all, it is a spectrum, have high support versus low support. A person who needs high support may be someone who their motor skills are so degraded by the autism spectrum disorder and their communication skills are so impacted that they can’t talk and they can’t take care of themselves and they have high support needs. Some people are medium support.

They just need a little bit of help every now and then. Emotional regulation can also be affected because it affects your ability to speak and it is motherfucking frustrating to have a human mind that cannot convey what you are thinking to the people around you and it causes frustration. And then people scream because human beings, all of us do that.

You’ve never had a conversation with somebody where they continually misconstrue what you’re saying and misinterpret and take everything you’re saying in extremely bad faith and it pisses you off to the point that you just want to scream and throw things. Now imagine if every single conversation you ever had was like that. Yeah, you would scream.

You would throw things. So sometimes autistic people will have what’s called a meltdown or a breakdown. They’re frustrated.

It happens. It’s a human thing. It’s not a thing that is unique to people who are autistic, but the fact that it happens to a person who is autistic with medium or high support needs is often used as a reason to treat them like less.

We human beings do not have the best track record when it comes to dealing with persons who have mental challenges like autism, ADHD, depression, psychosis, schizophrenia. We don’t respond well to people who are noticeably different, especially when people who have noticeable differences make our lives harder. Uh-huh.

Patty says, I wish I could remember her name, but there was a nonverbal girl with ASD who wrote a four-page poem about her experience. People assumed she was mentally challenged because she couldn’t express herself the same way. Yes.

Yes. It’s yes. They have all of the same mind and all of the same parts of the self that everyone else does.

They just have trouble communicating a little bit. Addie says neurotypicals are assholes. Frequently.

Yes. Yes. Frequently.

So the RADSR, R-A-A-D-S-R, the RADS test, um, see if I can figure out what it stands for. Oh, okay. The Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale Revised.

Okay. It’s an 80-item self-report tool designed to uncover developmental, social, sensory, and communication traits that may indicate autism, especially in adults who were missed or misdiagnosed earlier in life. It is a validated instrument and helps identify autism in adults by examining lifelong patterns of cognition, perception, and behavior.

It is helpful for those who relate to autistic traits, but were not recognized due to masking, gender bias, or late identified neurodivergence. They’re 80 statements. It takes 10 to 30 minutes.

You run right through there and it’ll give you a score. The higher the number your score is, the more likely you are to have some autism going on. The maximum score is 240.

You can’t score higher than that, so don’t even try. Yeah. So, take it.

Take the RADS R test. It’s fun. It’s interesting.

And if you ask me nicely, I might tell you what my score on it was. I am not neurotypical. I am a sign female at birth, raised and socialized female with a very high IQ and an interest in theater.

So, if you know anything about autism, you can go, ah, those are multiple reasons why my mask is impressive. So, what is autism? Patty says Asperger’s is an outdated term. Yes, it is.

It is an outdated term. They stopped using Asperger’s and instead it’s low support autism. Patty’s like, that’s one hell of a quality mask.

Uh-huh. Theater, woman, high IQ. Yes.

(18:07 – 18:33)
Yep. One of my hyperfixations was human behavior, like all of human behavior. How you doing? One of the hyperfixations at one point was communication.

(18:35 – 20:19)
Tina says high IQ. Did you do the test? Girl, I did, I think, three or four IQ tests. Like, I did the Princeton IQ test that was online.

I did one that was from, like, one of the universities had an IQ test online. And I found another one from Mensa that was online. It wasn’t the official one.

It was like, test your IQ and then join Mensa. So, I did three different IQ tests that I found online and then averaged them together. Keeping in mind, of course, please, that IQ is white supremacist and eugenicist.

I was originally meant to measure the intelligence, quote, intelligence of cishet white men. He says I killed it on the IQ test. Missed 100% by less than five points.

100 is considered average on the test. Most IQ tests, you cannot get above a certain threshold or below a certain threshold. It depends on the test, the individual test.

Some of them, like the Mensa test, can test up to 200 or you can give them even more money and it’ll test up to 300. That’s how you can find some individuals who are like, my IQ is 300. I’m a nerd.

My IQ is not above 200. I’m helping. And he says my IQ used to be high.

(20:19 – 22:31)
No idea what it is now. They score it based on your age too. So, the older you get, the higher it is.

So, I’m sure it’s higher now. So, people with IQ or with autism who are high support are often assumed to be non-sexual. And that’s dumb.

My IQ is 420. So, people with high support needs in for autism or high support needs for any developmental disorder or any mental health challenge. People who are high support needs are often viewed as asexual despite the fact that they may not be actually asexual.

Keep in mind, asexual to sexual, that particular scale is not something that you get to decide where someone else sits on it. That is for the individual person to sit somewhere on there. Hey, Ms. Hyde has joined us.

So did Six Pack, by the way. Welcome. For many years, many years, persons who were high support needs were not allowed to get married.

(22:31 – 22:56)
They were not allowed relationships. They were not allowed to live full adult human lives. They were almost always infantilized, treated as lesser, and assumed to be mentally challenged despite the fact that sometimes they’re challenged like it could be a person who has cerebral palsy which affects motor skills and nothing else.

(22:58 – 25:22)
The mind is perfectly fine. They’re capable of giving informed consent. It’s just a palsy.

That’s all it is. They just shake. But people with high support needs were often assumed incapable of consenting to sex.

Tina needs the link to the radzer. There you go. I had to go find it for you.

Patty says, imagine what it’s like being an extremely sexual person. Yet one of the things I personally struggle with due to ASD is communicating with people and talking to people, specifically new people. Yes.

So if you have ASD but you’re not extremely high support needs and you can manage to communicate, yay. It’s still tricky because communication can be very hard for a person who has any placement somewhere on the autism spectrum disorder spectra. Communication is hard for neurotypical people.

Sitting down and looking at a person and saying out loud, I want to lick your butthole. Right? That’s hard to do. That is hard for people to do.

To say, this is the thing that I would like to have happen. So I want you to tie me to the bed, tease my dick until I cry, and then make me cum so hard that I get it in my own eye. Right? I can say that because I’ve lots and lots of practice saying it.

I’m also a professional. You? Can you say that? Probably not. Not right off the bat.

Not with a straight face. Right? That rhymed. It probably did.

(25:22 – 25:36)
I’m a poet. I didn’t know it. Kali says, I struggle conversing.

(25:37 – 28:38)
Converting a conversation from a small talk, which I hate, to actually interesting topics. Oh, SixPack sent Morse code. If I can’t read it in the chat, I’m going to delete it because I don’t trust y’all.

When in doubt, nuke it from orbit. Yeah. Small talk.

Think of small talk as it’s cat noises. I’m saying that you’re friendly. That’s all it is.

It’s friendly cat sounds. You’re making friendly mouth noises to indicate that you are a nice person, and the other person is also a nice person. And look, you’re so nice together.

It’s so good. You’re just, yes, it’s so good. So ADHD is very similar to autism, which is why there’s a new term out there in the world.

AuD-HD. A-U-D-H-D. Because they’re often motherfucking comorbid.

People who have autism or somewhere on the autism spectrum often also have ADHD. Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder. It’s possible for you to have ADD.

Attention Deficit Disorder. Leaving out the hyperactive part. Not everybody winds up with the hyperactive part.

And most of the time, if you think about ADHD, you’re thinking about it through the lens of who’s the most obnoxious person with ADHD, which is usually, and I’m very sorry about this, but it’s the people who get diagnosed the most often with ADHD. Males. Whoops.

And it’s because girls, women, are often taught and trained from a very young age how to control where you’re paying attention and what you’re paying attention to and what you’re doing with your energy. Girls don’t get to run around on the playground and make mud pies. By and large.

Patty says, it’s pronounced Awe-D-H-D. Yeah. Like A-D-H-D, but Awe-D-H-D.

Awe. AuDHD. Terry says, while listening, I took the test and confirmed my self-diagnosis.

(28:38 – 29:05)
Yeah, that happens too. Hey, Paisley joined us tonight. Hi, Paisley.

What was your score, Terry? I need to know. What was your number? Because I love metrics. 131.

It’s not bad. Not too bad. Not too shabby.

There you go. Yeah. A little touch of the tism.

(29:06 – 29:41)
We love it. We love a little touch of tism. It’s a little, little moment.

Oh, well done. Good. Trying to find my original score.

Yep. Found it. Terry says, look at me now.

(29:41 – 29:46)
People think I’m eccentric. All right. So ADHD is a problem.

(29:49 – 29:57)
Charlie Kirk’s ghost has joined us in the other chat. All righty. And CJ Monroe.

(29:59 – 32:39)
Hi, guys. Pop over to communitykink.com because that chat room is the one that I’m in more often. It’s got more folks in it.

Kylie said, way to stick your neck out, Charlie. So ADHD, you have predominantly inattentive, predominantly hyperactive or impulsive, and the combined type. Inattentive, you have a difficulty staying focused, you lose things, you’re disorganized, you forget daily tasks.

One of my friends is very, very fucking inattentive. It drives me absolutely insane. He lost his key every single day.

Every day, he could not find the key to the door. How do you, how? Every day. To be fair, the way that I get around my tendency to lose things is to have a place where it belongs.

So there is a hook by the door, the keys go on the hook. If I don’t put the keys on the hook, I lose them. So I can’t judge too hard.

Hyperactivity is restlessness, excessive movement, or talking constantly. And despite the fact that I am doing a podcast, it doesn’t necessarily mean that I talk constantly. Tina says she puts an apple tag on everything.

Terry’s like, oh my god, I thought that was just me. No, they are comorbid. People who are on the autism spectrum are often also plagued with ADHD.

It will get you. So impulsivity, interrupting others, blurting out answers, or acting without thinking. You can see where that one, plus autism with your inability to recognize social cues.

Yep. Yeah. Like being able to tell when a conversation has reached an end point, and it’s time to change the conversation.

If you can’t tell when a conversation is done, and you just interrupt and board something new, that could be That could be ADHD. It could be both. It could be everything all at one time.

(32:43 – 34:55)
CJ wants to know if I do private videos. No. I’m glad I help you.

But no, I don’t do private videos. So AUDHD is not officially in the DSM, the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual. It’s not officially in there.

It is more of an internet understood thing about the brain. Largely arising from the fact that people started looking at the traits of autism, and then the traits of ADHD and going, how the fuck do you tell the difference? Like, which one? What’s causing this? So it’s either because they’re comorbid, and they occur at the same time, somehow, or they’re similar and leaked, or it’s random chance. So there’s a whole bunch of study going on about that.

About what’s going on. What is it? CJ says he’ll pay. He’ll pay for private audio.

No. For private audio, yes. Videos, no.

And of course you would pay. I don’t do shit for free. So AuDHD.

You may discover that your brain is full. Your brain is full. That’s ADHD.

You have too many thoughts. Or sometimes you just have none. Because autism.

Sometimes you really want social connection. Because you’re craving something new and interesting. And more dopamine.

(34:56 – 35:18)
And you need to talk to somebody. But talking to people sucks. That one I’m always like, is it autism? Or is it the fact that I’m very much an introvert? That makes talking to people and being social exhausting.

(35:20 – 35:31)
I like it. But it’s exhausting. So ADHD can result in you being a little bit impulsive.

(35:32 – 36:19)
The impulsivity part. A tendency to just fucking do shit. You just go out and you do the thing.

Because you’re seeking novelty. It makes your brain happy. To find novel things.

To do new stuff. But autism makes you really enjoy routine. I really, really like sleeping in my own bed every night.

I have my bedtime routine. All of my skincare is here. And my pillow.

I don’t want to change my routine. That’s terrible. But sometimes I want to go out late and be wild.

(36:25 – 37:06)
Because the way that your brain works, or occasionally doesn’t work, you may experience burnout at a higher level than other people. Neurotypical people. Stress will cause you to burn out eventually.

People who have either autism or ADHD or both burn out faster. It’s great. Sensory issues.

So if you have ADHD, you’re seeking sensory input because it makes your brain happy. If you have autism, you may have problems processing sensory input. That’s a problem.

(37:11 – 37:26)
ADHD can be challenging to deal with. So what is all of this? Ms. Hyde says canceling plans to go out and do something can be very comforting and satisfying. Hell yes.

(37:30 – 39:32)
So what does all of this have to do to your sexuality and to your libido? Oh boy. Fucks with it is what it does. So ADHD can result in you being sensory seeking.

You may want to fuck. You may want sex. You might be horny.

You might be craving it a whole lot. You might masturbate all the time until it gets boring. Because ADHD says it must be new.

It must be novel. It must be different from the last time that we did this. Patty’s like, I need my hugging pillow.

Terry said, are you reading my diary? Does it feel validating to hear me describe your innermost life? Sixpack said, is it unethical to hit on someone with autism or ADHD? Nope. Absolutely not. I would actually argue that refusing to hit on somebody who is of age and capable of communicating at least by a wink or a nod that they consent is infantilizing and gross.

So it is ethical to hit on people with autism and to hit on people with ADHD. Do it. Terry says I feel a little adrift right now.

Surprise. Okay. So people who have autism have sensory processing issues.

This means sometimes so, okay, look, I go to the fabric store, right? Or the yarn store. And I have to touch everything. I like being able to touch things before I buy them.

Buying yarn or fabric online before I can touch it. Oh, it’s dangerous. Because some textures are wrong.

(39:35 – 40:04)
They just are. I’ve touched some yarns where it’s like, oh, that’s weirdly scratchy. And I don’t like it.

Right? Oh, no, not like that. Some acrylics, you touch it, you’re like, why is it sticky? It’s not actually sticky. It just feels sticky.

Brains, sensory processing. It’s fun. I have this problem with especially non natural fibers where sometimes they feel weird.

(40:04 – 40:21)
Even some natural fibers have been treated with chemicals and I can feel the chemical on it. And I don’t like that. So I like to touch things to find out whether or not the texture is really good.

Mont says I took the test. I’m at 138. Judge me.

(40:23 – 41:46)
Ooh, you’ve got the tism. Yeah, the tism is great. We love the tism.

The tism is wonderful. Yes, we love the tism. Touch the tism.

It won’t hurt you any. The tism is fine. Search in this chat.

Apparently never. I was looking for something. Anyways.

Uh huh. Kylie says metals bother me. I don’t like jewelry for that reason.

Or pennies. Or quarters, nickels and dimes are okay. Pennies feel funny.

Pennies are weird. Terry says Ms. Harbor doing the house bunny voice always gets me. I don’t know what the house bunny voice is.

And Terry says I can’t do scents. Girl, same. Some smells.

I’m like, oh, oh, do not like that. Hard nope. Funky scents.

(41:48 – 43:25)
So imagine taking all of these sensory issues and applying that to sex. It means that sometimes touching yourself, your own genitals is too overwhelming. So some people who are on the autism spectrum or who have ADHD can’t fuck because it’s too much or not enough.

Or it’s boring. Can you imagine sex being boring? It’s happened. I cannot do vanilla sex.

It’s too boring. If it’s too predictable, if it’s too routine. Ah, gross.

Patty says I didn’t even think about that. That’s what that is. I’m getting overstimulated by touching myself.

Yes. Sometimes. Yes.

She said that’s why masturbation gets boring after a while. Yep. It’s called the escalator of kink.

It is. People who have ADHD are prone to it. When one behavior becomes boring because it is routine, you have to go to something that’s more extreme in order to get off.

(43:26 – 44:14)
Patty said if I could just be normal, it’d be so much easier. Yes. Tina was like, that’s why we’re interested in BDSM.

That’s why we’re interested in extremely kinky stuff. And we just keep on skipping from like trying to get kinkier and kinkier. The trick is every now and then.

So have like three things, right? Three different things that you’re interested in sexually. Rotate between them and try not to escalate them too much. Because that’s how you wind up with goatee.

Okay? That’s how you wind up with like permanent damage to your anal sphincter. Right? So switch between different interests. Patty said with what? Sorry.

(44:16 – 45:19)
Don’t even, don’t even, you don’t want to know. Kelly’s caps lock in the chat. You don’t want to know.

You don’t. You do not want to know what that is. If you don’t know, don’t look it up.

I’m not even going to spell it to tell you. Just know. Okay.

It is a mental image that will burn its way into your brain. Patty says I might’ve kind of done that by accident. Switching between a few things that I’m into sexually.

Femdoms. Only one of them. See? Good.

Yes. Perfect. Miss Hyde says I have a friend who’s allergic to something and getting aroused.

(45:20 – 46:17)
She gets horny and her sinuses fill up in her eyes water. She looks like she’s crying and the guy she’s with gets upset because he thinks he’s upset her. So oh my god, are you okay? What’s wrong? She’s all nothing.

Do me. Achoo. That’s when you’re like, look, we can fuck in 30 minutes because I got to go take an antihistamine real quick.

That’s fucking funny. That has nothing to do with autism and ADHD, but it is hilarious. So people who have, have anywhere on the autism spectrum or who have ADHD can wind up in accidentally sexless relationships.

(46:17 – 46:32)
Not because you don’t love the person you’re with and not because you don’t want to have sex with them. You just, whoops, shit happens. Things occur and sex doesn’t.

(46:35 – 47:01)
So the things that can fuck you up are communication differences. People with ADHD, people with autism have communication problems. The only reason I’m good at communicating is because I turned it into a special interest and studied the fuck out of it and practiced working on learning to become a really excellent communicator.

(47:02 – 48:28)
Thank goodness, right? Sensory overload, sensory processing challenges, because sometimes you’re like, ooh, good touch followed by nope, nope, now it’s too much. Stop touching me. And that can put a crimp in your sex life.

People who have autism, people who have ADHD, shit at managing time. How many times have you heard me tell you that time is a construct and fake? You don’t want to know how many alarms are on my phone to help me manage my Tay, because otherwise, yep, time management, that seems fake. But this also means that you may need to actually schedule time for intimacy.

If you keep forgetting, schedule date night. I know, I know, it takes the romance right out of it. It’s supposed to be spontaneous, blah, blah, blah.

But do you want to get laid? If yes, schedule fucking date night. Impulsivity. If you know date night is coming up, right, you might get turned on and then you might jerk off about it.

And then date night happens. And now you can’t get it up again. Whoops, because you impulsively jerked off earlier.

(48:35 – 53:18)
People with autism have emotional regulation issues frequently. People with ADHD also have emotional regulation issues. Both of those can fuck with your ability to have sex.

Because when you are like if if you’re having a conversation with somebody, and they say or do something that pisses you off, and now you’re super duper angry, but it’s date night. Oh, yeah. There’s your problem.

Because of issues regulating your executive function, or your ability to keep track of shit, you just might forget to fuck. And you might think to yourself, that sounds fake. It is not fake.

It’s not fake at all. It is entirely possible to get into a routine in a relationship that does not include sex. And so then you just forget that sex is a part of a relationship.

And maybe you should do that. It is a known problem that affects people with both ADHD who love a little routine, but also seek novelty. And sometimes their novelty comes in the form of playing a computer game for three hours.

Oops, instead of, I don’t know, having sex. And people with autism love a solid routine. He says, damn it, stop reading my mind.

Difficulty with organization and time management can create challenges in a relationship. No fucking shit. And then of course, there’s the communication issues.

How in the world do any of y’all communicate about what you want and what you need? Because it is a difficult mosaic of expectations and shame and fear. And sometimes you just don’t know how to say those words out loud. I’m a professional at this.

I am often paid to say these sorts of filthy things out loud in a sexy tone of voice. Like, I want you to come over here and lick my pussy until I orgasm three times, at least. And then I’m going to ride you to a fourth orgasm.

And then you can get off. Right? I can say that. I practiced it a whole lot.

Can you say that? The Terry says, and no one recorded that. I’m recording that. What you do is you practice.

Practice saying the thing you want out loud. At first to yourself, say it in the shower. I want to eat your pussy and make you cum on my tongue.

Say just like that. Okay. Say what you want.

I want you to use a very large strap on and fuck me in the ass. Whatever it is that you want. Practice saying it.

You say it to yourself. And then you know what? You can call me. You can say it to me.

And I’ll be like, Oh, well, hello. Don’t mind if I do. Yes to both of those.

Those sound fun. Let’s go. Besides, that’s my opening line for my next Harvard recall about the strap on.

Practice saying it where no one can hear you. And then practice saying it as somebody who is guaranteed not to become embarrassed or flustered. If you say it, that would be me.

That way, if you screw up, right? If you say it wrong. Okay. Say it again.

(53:18 – 53:25)
Let’s try it one more time. Let’s do it again. Because I’m, yeah.

(53:26 – 53:37)
See, Addy says, I’m more embarrassed by myself than with other people. Making this type of thing makes me so uncomfortable. There is a don’t practice at the library.

(53:39 – 55:27)
Finding somebody that you can say these sorts of things to so you can practice before you say it somebody where it matters. You say it to me. You’re not going to offend me.

You’re not going to upset me. There is at no point I’m going to be like, I can’t believe you would say that to me. Oh, my God.

Unless you paid me to say literally that to you. In which case, I can’t believe you would say that to me. Oh, my God.

You can think about it in terms of theater and acting. It’s just a set of lines. You’re just going to say this.

The trick is, of course, that the person you’re saying it to is going to respond. And from there, you have to figure out how to keep going. How to say that.

What comes next. Which is often why practicing a little bit, doing a little role play with somebody can really help build those communication skills. And in fact, the better life skills therapists who help persons who have say, medium to high support needs for autism and other mental challenges will absolutely role play with you so that you can practice in a lower stake environment.

See, there you go. Patty says, I found myself. What I found myself doing is knowing exactly what I say at the start, a bit practiced and then not knowing how to follow up.

(55:27 – 56:43)
Yes, that’s where the role play helps a whole lot to help you practice the conversation and keeping it moving. So if somebody says the first run through, you say, I would like you to paint yourself green, put on a very large strap on and slap me in the face with it. And the person’s first response would be, ew, no, I could never do that.

I respect you too much to slap you in the face with a dildo, for example. And then the second run through is the person you’ve said that to says, oh, wow, I’ve had dreams about doing exactly that to you. In fact, let me introduce you to my great big green dildo.

I call him the Hulk. You can run through various, Callie said call it Jennifer. You can run through various scenarios and try them out.

You can experiment. You can mess around. Liz Hyde says Hulk smash has no meaning.

(57:01 – 59:10)
So experiment, try new things, get somebody that you trick and trust to role play out various scenarios so that you could practice and build your communication skills. And also the the other chat, CJ says, can we role play pretend that I’m masturbating? Is it pretend though? I don’t think you’re pretending. The person that you want to be saying these things to should be the sort of person who respects you and understands that sometimes you have communication issues.

And in fact, you can even preface with that. I know that sometimes I have trouble communicating about these things. This is going to be a very awkward conversation for me.

I’d really like to be able to get all of what I want to say to you out without you responding first so that I can make sure I’ve said what I wanted to say. And then I would like to hear what you have to say afterwards. You’re allowed to communicate openly and bluntly, just like that.

Because the kind of person that you would like to have sex with is probably going to be like, oh, wow, open communication. That’s so hot. Fuck yes.

Tell me your fantasies. I want to know more. Whereas the kind of person who says, ew, gross, you want to talk to me about your feelings? Icky.

Do you want to fuck him? Like, is that a person you want to have sex with? I wouldn’t. Not unless they paid me a whole lot of money. Patty said, one piece of advice my therapist gave me in general is to set the expectations of how you communicate differently with the people you interact with.

(59:11 – 1:00:10)
I bet that can apply here, right? Yes, absolutely. And in fact, it’s a really good idea to do that. Set those expectations before the conversation starts.

It makes the communication flow much more nicely. Okay. Whore school is adult sex education.

We started this conversation last week when I was talking about mental health and sex. If you have a mind, mental health is a thing you need to be concerned about. Autism and ADHD are far more common than you think they are.

Lots of people are somewhere on that spectrum. Check out the RADSR test. R-A-A-D-S-R.

Check that test out. Give it a whirl. I might tell you where I ranked.

(1:00:15 – 1:00:38)
Whore school airs Sunday evenings from 11 to midnight on the East Coast. That’s 8 to 9 on the West Coast. If you like to fuck, so do I. Check out whoreschool.net. That is the show’s blog.

I am Harper. Find me online. Follow me everywhere.

(1:00:39 – 1:00:45)
And we’ll see you all again next week. Good night.

 

Find the Whore School Schedule right here, and remember to join the Whore School discord for more memes, connection, and all the resources used by Ms Harper for the show. Whore School is adult sex education with no fear, no guilt, and no shame!