Listen to “WS 469 Hair Care Tips” on Spreaker.
WS 469 Hair Care Tips
Want long, luscious hair? Maybe you’re a sissy, or you just like long hair. Ms Harper has hair care tips on Whore School to help you get long hair.
(0:06 – 0:41)
This is Horror School coming to you live every Sunday evening from 11pm to midnight on the East Coast. That’s 8 to 9 on the West Coast time zones, you know, stuff happens. I am Harper and if you are listening to the live show, I expect you to go to communitykink.com because that’s the chat room and you can pop in there and, you know, hang out.
(0:41 – 0:46)
Come hang out with me. I promise I’m not scary. Much.
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Often. All the time. Horror School is adult.
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That means I cuss. Sex. And life skills.
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Education. You’re going to learn something. One way or another.
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So I talked about it briefly last week and told you guys that I’m going to teach you how to take care of your hair. Yep. Because.
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Okay. So for people who were not socialized, raised, trained, and grew up being girly, you may or may not know how to deal with your hair. Over here in the chat room, by the way, Gigi has joined us.
(1:46 – 1:51)
Kylie was in here earlier. Patty, Sissy, Addie, and Tina Aaron. Hi, gang.
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Hi, sexies. So if you were not raised and socialized to be, you know, super duper femme, the odds are extremely good that you don’t know how to take care of your own hair. And that’s okay.
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It’s a learned skill. It’s something that not everyone has learned in life. Which is a fucking crying shame.
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Because let me tell you what the difference between the hair that grows on top of a woman’s head and the hair that grows on top of a man’s head. There is no difference. While yes, there are some male pattern baldness, right? That’s a thing that can happen to some people who have high testosterone levels.
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Great. Occasionally, hormones can do other things to your hair. So sex-linked hormones can have an effect on whether or not your hair is thick and lush and long and sexy.
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Kylie said, there’s a difference. No hair grows on my head anymore. Yeah.
Hormones. Estrogen and progesterone can cause you to start growing hair again. If you have the right kind of hair loss.
(3:22 – 3:34)
Whoops. Patty thinks that this is an episode where she’s doing something right. That she takes good care of her hair.
(3:37 – 4:21)
Well, we’ll see, won’t we? I like to ominously threaten you. We shall see. So your hormone levels and your general health do have an effect on… Hey, Audrey has joined us in here.
What up? Yeah, your hormones and your general health can have an effect on your hair. Obviously, people who are going through things like chemotherapy wind up losing their hair. Because you’re going through something very extensive.
(4:22 – 4:27)
Stress can affect your hair. Lots of stuff can affect your hair. And also your skin.
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People who get on hormone replacement therapy discover that, hey, your hair is going to do some fun shit. Yeah. A Brazilian and Portuguese side note.
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I think it’s weird how you added male. I know it’s not common, but women can develop baldness as well. Well, it’s because there’s male pattern baldness, which refers to a specific type of hair loss that is linked to testosterone.
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There’s also female pattern baldness, which is a different pattern of hair loss. Female pattern baldness often is a more all over your head thing. Your hair just gets thin.
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She says, ooh, there’s a female one. Yeah, there is. It sucks.
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Let me double check myself. Female pattern baldness. Female pattern baldness, you lose it on the top of your head and everything just kind of goes thin.
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And it is. It’s at the top of your head. So if you part your hair where your hair parts, yelp.
(5:41 – 5:54)
It’s a specific pattern and it is hereditary and it’s caused by hormones. It sucks. Male pattern baldness.
(5:55 – 6:18)
So female pattern baldness is on the very, very tippy, tippy tip top of the hair. Female pattern baldness or male pattern baldness is on the back of the head is where it generally starts. And Patty says, with men, you can see the hairline receding, so it’s more noticeable.
(6:19 – 6:33)
That’s different from male pattern baldness. Male pattern baldness is, you know, the thing where you see a dude, right? And he looks like he has hair and then he turns around and you’re like, oh, he’s got a big old bald spot in the back of his head. That’s male pattern baldness.
(6:33 – 6:38)
Female pattern baldness. Yes, it is. Tina says it’s called alopecia.
(6:39 – 6:48)
Close. Similar. It is called androgenetic alopecia.
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So similar, but not entirely the same. Alopecia is just hair loss and it can happen anywhere all over your body and sometimes in patches. Patty says, isn’t alopecia the stress response one? It can be a stress response.
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There’s a bunch of things that can cause alopecia. It could be genetics. It can be an autoimmune disorder.
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Sometimes alopecia areata, the immune system attacks your hair follicles because our immune systems are buttholes. Hormonal changes, medications, stress, nutritional deficiencies, scalp infections, all of that. And Tina says, it seems I was wrong.
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I researched and hair loss can happen at old age with menopause. Yes, and it frequently does. Because what your hormones are doing affects your hair and your hair health a whole bunch.
(8:05 – 8:29)
Which is why, so if you are trans and you get on hormone replacement therapy, where your body grows hair and how that hair grows will change. Which is a thing, like trans men grow a beard, right? All of a sudden, body hair everywhere. They grow a beard.
(8:32 – 8:58)
They get hair on their back. Wacky, right? But taking testosterone in a person who previously was living as a woman and is now a trans man starts taking testosterone. You can get a nasty surprise in that, hey, guess what? If you have a genetic history in your family of male pattern baldness, well, you woke it up.
(9:01 – 9:07)
Kylie says, a musician I quite like is Molly Tuttle. She has alopecia. Alopecia happens a whole lot.
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Oh, Will Smith’s wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, right? Her, she has alopecia. She’s bald. Bald all over.
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That’s the reason why he wound up slapping Chris Rock, right? It’s because he insulted his wife for being bald. So, that’s alopecia. And there’s a ton of causes for it.
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At its worst, alopecia can result in you being completely fucking bald. More often, you get patchy bald. Patty says, how accurate do you think it is that the fact that genetic male pattern baldness comes from your mother’s side? You know what? I haven’t ever actually looked into that.
(9:58 – 10:07)
Nobody in my family is bald. We all have very thick luxurious hair. It’s never been a thing that I had to be worried about.
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Male pattern baldness. Google’s going to be like, I don’t know what the hell you’re on. Dihydrotestosterone.
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Shrinks hair follicles and reduces hair growth. So, yeah. Testosterone.
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Fucks with you. It is pretty genetic. Androgenic alopecia male pattern.
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There’s seven stages. That’s hilarious. Anyway.
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If that’s the thing that you’ve got going on. Tina says, I know from my side it came from my grandfather’s mother’s side. Great grandmother? Sissy says, I think something’s going on with my body hair.
(11:23 – 11:33)
My testosterone levels are quite low, but they’re coming back for some reason. Like on my tummy. Are you on progesterone? That can do things to you.
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Or Spiro can do things with your hair. It makes it weird. Bodies are odd.
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Are your grandfather on your mother’s side? Yeah. So, that one. There’s medications that you can take.
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There’s creams. There’s some interesting stuff that you could do. And he said, progesterone? Freaking traitor.
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I want boobs. Isn’t that fun? Most of what I’m seeing online says that baldness can be inherited from both parents. Mother and father.
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It’s male pattern baldness is on the X chromosome. And it’s linked to the androgen receptor gene. Genes from the father side and other non-sex chromosome genes also play a crucial role.
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So both maternal and paternal genetic lines can contribute to a person’s predisposition for hair loss. Patty’s like, I basically have a 50-50 shot of being bald. I don’t know your genetic condition.
(13:14 – 13:30)
I don’t know. If you have a history of male pattern baldness in your family, testosterone is probably a bad idea for you. So, who the fuck knows.
(13:33 – 13:50)
Start taking estrogen? Take a testosterone blocker? There’s stuff that you can do about baldness. Things that you can do. Rogaine.
(13:50 – 14:02)
Propecia. Both of those will block DHT. Which is dihydrotestosterone.
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And it can stimulate hair growth. Hair transplant surgery. Light therapy.
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Shine specific wavelengths of light on your scalp. And lifestyle changes can help with male pattern baldness. Alopecia.
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Corticosteroids. Minoxidil. Oral medications.
(14:41 – 14:52)
Finasteride and spironolactone. Spironolactone. Spiro can block the hormones that contribute to hair loss.
(14:53 – 15:14)
Spironolactone will make you hairy. Corticosteroid injections. It depends on what caused you to lose your hair.
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So, Addy was saying that she’s getting random weird hairs. Are you on Spiro? Because that can make you hairy. And give you weird hairs on yourself.
(15:33 – 15:43)
Addy said, if you shine light on my scalp, you get a really bad reflection. Addy said, it’s not on Spiro. It’s a progesterone wall.
(15:46 – 16:00)
Spiro is known for it. People get on Spiro and all of a sudden the hair on your head gets thicker, longer, and more luscious. The hair on the rest of your body does too.
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Because it’s not like it goes, oh, I’m only going to turn on some of this hair growth. No, no. It turns it all on.
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You’re welcome. Addy said, I’ve never really noticed it, but I have some really weird hairs on my shoulders. Yeah.
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Look. Technically, we’re mammals. We’re hairy.
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And sometimes that gets a little bit odd. Because we’re both hairy and also relatively not hairy. All things considered, mammals are supposed to be hairy all over.
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We’re not. We’re hairy on our head, armpits, and between our legs. For the most part.
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People with plenty of testosterone tend to be hairy kind of all over. The older you get, the more hair you get. Bodies are weird, man.
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But all of us have hair. I have hair on my arms. I have hair on my legs.
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You got to shave. Addy said, it’s not a technicality. And that there are plenty of mammals with no hair.
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Like whales. Dolphins. Sphinx cats.
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The vast majority of the members of Mammalia have fur. We don’t. We don’t have fur.
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We have hair. Okay. So let’s say that you want to grow your hair long.
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Perhaps you are a person who would like to experience long, luscious locks for whatever reason. Perhaps you’re a sissy who wants to look more femme. Perhaps you’re a trans woman who would love to have long, luscious hair.
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Perhaps you’re a dude who loves the notion of somebody being able to grip your hair and use it to pull your head back and chew on your neck. Anyway, you can’t just say that and then not tell me about it. Come on, Patty.
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She said, now I’m just thinking about how fucked up nature is. Did you know there’s an animal with a four-headed penis? I need to know. And do not get me started.
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He says, I can’t spell it. Just look up what animal Knuckles from Sonic is. A hedgehog? A hedgehog? I know that duck penises are shaped like a spiral.
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He doesn’t know he’s something else. I am not up on my Sonic the Hedgehog. Okay.
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What is Knuckles from Sonic? Oh, an echidna. Okay. Are those mammals? Anyway, stop that.
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Quit distracting me. Jesus. Y’all are so mean to me.
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I’m completely distracted. Okay. This is new record.
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No, I’ve gotten distracted earlier in the show. Well, sometimes I start the show distracted. Whee! So, if you want to grow your hair long, how do you do it? In fact, how do you take care of your hair the best way possible? So, fellas, gentlemen, guys.
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You know that product you can purchase that is shampoo and conditioner all in one? Don’t use that. That is the worst bullshit that you could put on your body. It is a waste of money.
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It does not work. It sucks. Don’t use an all-in-one.
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Just don’t. Hey, Prisoner Nikkei Marie has joined us tonight. Hi.
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So, don’t use an all-in-one. There’s even products out there that’s a body wash, shampoo, and conditioner all in one. That’s worse.
(21:30 – 21:52)
Kylie said, what if it’s also a floor wax and a dessert topping? Addie said, I never saw stuff like that in Brazil, but my chemistry teacher in school explained why they don’t work. Yeah, they don’t work. Maddie said, for once I’m on the correct side.
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I do not use a two-in-one anymore. And I believe that you stopped using a two-in-one because I told you to stop using a two-in-one. Because it’s crap.
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Yeah, Addie said, essentially shampoos and conditioners have conflicting processes, so they nullify each other. Yep, which is why it is a waste of money. They cancel each other out, you don’t get clean, and you don’t get conditioned.
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Neither. Kylie said, does the two-in-one peanut butter and jelly work? Gigi said, Irish Spring 5-in-1. Yeah, no.
Best money-making scam ever. Completely ineffective at doing any one of those five jobs, it doesn’t do. Like, no.
(23:15 – 23:36)
The two-in-one peanut butter, Kylie says she always wanted it at the grocery store. I mean, you’re an adult, you can get that if you want. I prefer not to do that.
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I want to be able to choose my own ratio of peanut butter to jelly. So, ugh. Okay, so how do you take care of your hair in specific? You get a shampoo and a conditioner.
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Oh, Kylie says Uncrustables are really good in an air fryer. Mmm, tasty. Okay, but when you are shopping for your shampoo and conditioner, please get sulfate-free SLS.
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Sodium lauryl sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner. Sodium lauryl sulfate is actually bad for your hair. It just is.
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Sodium lauryl or sodium lauryl SLS is how it’s often abbreviated. It’s gentler on your scalp. And if you want your hair to grow long, you want to treat your scalp really gently.
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Sodium lauryl sulfate is harsh. It strips out way too much of your natural oil from your hair. It dries your entire scalp out, which is bad for your scalp.
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And it’s too harsh. It’s just too harsh for human skin and human hair. So, don’t.
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The chat room is talking about what they like to have with their peanut butter. Okay, so Patty says peanut butter and honey is delicious, and it really, really is. But here’s… Okay, you get your bread and a banana.
(25:59 – 26:10)
Okay, cut the banana lengthwise and put that on your bread. Then put peanut butter on that and then drizzle honey over the whole thing. Put another piece of bread on top and eat it.
(26:12 – 26:22)
Peanut butter, banana, and honey sandwich. Pretty certain that’s what killed Elvis. But also, it’s delicious.
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It’s so good. Kylie says, no yellow yuck fruit. It makes the yellow yuck fruit taste better.
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Patty says, I’m sorry, what? Put a banana in there. Peanut butter and honey and banana. Boom.
(26:42 – 27:04)
Get in there. Patty said, not hard-boiled recipes in the middle of the show about hair. Girl, you will discover that there are an awful lot of home hair treatments out there.
(27:04 – 27:27)
Like putting an entire avocado in your hair. Or using eggs, yogurt, banana, oils, mayonnaise. It’s called a hair mask.
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And you can look up DIY hair masks. So, what you want is for your hair and your scalp, when you’re trying to grow your hair out, you want to limit the damage that you do to your hair and to your own scalp. And by that, I mean you want to avoid heat on your scalp.
(27:52 – 28:12)
So, try not to use a blow dryer on high, directly at your scalp. And on your hair. If you must use things like a curling iron or a flat iron on your hair, use it on the lowest possible setting for the least amount of time possible.
(28:13 – 28:27)
High heat for long periods of time, you can literally burn your hair. Burned hair, it’s not going to grow. If you hurt your scalp, it’s not going to grow long, luscious hair for you.
(28:27 – 28:35)
You really, really want long, happy, beautiful hair. You have to take care of your scalp. You have to take care of the hair that you currently have.
(28:38 – 29:00)
Kelly said I sleep with my puppies. If I did that, they’d turn me into a golden corral. So, the reason why people have these ideas about DIY hair masks is they’re trying to add moisture to their hair.
(29:01 – 29:27)
They’re trying to moisturize their hair and scalp. If you are dealing with extremely dry hair. So, for example, if you have straightened your hair, like chemical straightener on your hair, or if you have dyed your hair and maybe over processed it.
(29:27 – 29:41)
So, if you bleached it first and then you dyed it a funky color and then you bleached it again and you dyed it another color and now your hair is like crunchy. You fried your hair. It’s dry now.
(29:41 – 30:13)
So, sometimes when it comes to I’ve got extreme damage done to my hair, you can get around some of that by moisturizing the absolute fuck out of your hair. The best version of a DIY, like using a product that’s not like marketed for going on your head, coconut oil. Okay.
(30:15 – 30:35)
Wash your hair with a gentle shampoo, something without SLS in it. Patty said, I do dye my hair. I only get it bleached once every three or five months.
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I don’t know if that’s too often. I mean, if you put your hand in your hair and kind of scrunch, if it feels crunchy, it’s over processed. If it feels soft and still feels like, huh, nice, then you’re okay.
(30:56 – 31:12)
And if you’re having somebody else do it for you, professionals, they go just enough and not too much. But if this is a, well, I did this at home jobby. Oh, you probably burned yourself.
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I’ve dyed my own hair. And yes, I have bleached it. I know what I look like as a blonde.
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It’s scary. And yes, I fried it. I have fried my hair.
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So if you must try to recover your hair after frying, go for something as simple and natural as you possibly can. Mostly because adding even more chemical on top of chemical issues is not the best plan for your hair. You can.
(31:53 – 32:06)
I personally don’t want to do that. Coconut oil. Get one of those shower cap things.
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They’re usually clear, plastic all around the outside, like elastic. Wash your hair. Squeeze out excess water.
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Oil it up. Stuff it under the shower cap. Wrap a towel around that so that it’s heat, like the heat from your head, like warm and oily.
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And leave it for like 30, 45 minutes. And then wash it back out again. Use just a little bit more shampoo.
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Wash it out. Most of the time, when you are washing your hair, you’re going to get the least amount of shampoo necessary to suds up on your head. You don’t want to use too much product.
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My pictures are a little bit out of date. My hair currently is down to my waist. It’s very long.
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Well, it’s slightly shorter now because I trimmed it earlier. But down to my waist. I fill up the palm of my hand with shampoo.
(33:42 – 33:55)
When you wash your hair, start with the scalp. The shampoo goes on your scalp, not the length of your hair. I use plenty of shampoo because I want it to run through the rest of my hair.
(33:56 – 34:07)
Prisoner says, your picture is much shorter hair. I know, this is what happens when you have pictures like a decade ago. Yeah, my hair is a lot longer now than it used to be.
(34:09 – 34:24)
Your hair on average, it depends on who you are and how you’re taking care of your hair. Your hair will usually grow about 4 inches a year. Everybody’s like, I want a picture.
(34:25 – 34:34)
Your hair will grow about 4 inches a year. So my hair has grown quite a bit. And also, you’re going to want to trim it.
(34:35 – 34:49)
Every two months, you will trim the split ends for maximum hair growth. Which always feels extremely counterintuitive. To be like, I want my hair to grow long, so I’m going to cut it off.
(34:49 – 34:57)
No, you’re just going to trim the bits. So, apply the shampoo to your scalp. Wash your scalp.
(34:57 – 35:21)
Use your fingertips and massage your scalp while you’re in the shower. Rinse really, really well. Salaitis said, is your hair still two colors? Uh, kind of? My hair’s never been just one solid color.
(35:21 – 35:28)
Like, I don’t- Miss Addie said that she has solid black hair. My hair’s never been a solid color. It’s always been multiple colors.
(35:31 – 35:42)
I’m Irish. And Welsh and Scottish. I mean, at various points, my hair has been three different shades of blue all at the same time.
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Patty said, I don’t know why I have such a dumb problem with this. But in trying not to use too much shampoo, I use just a small amount that I think I need. It ends up not covering my hair at all.
(35:58 – 36:03)
Like large sections that don’t have any coverage. And I try to add a bit more. And it ends up flooding foam.
(36:08 – 36:18)
It depends on how much hair you have on your head. And how dirty your hair is. And exactly what product you’re using.
(36:23 – 36:34)
I’m just bad at eyeballing. I mean, depending on how big your head is and how long your hair is. Nickel.
(36:36 – 36:50)
Like, put a nickel in the palm of your hand and look at it. And then that’s how big your pool of shampoo should be. For most people who have short hair, a dime or a nickel sized puddle should be enough.
(36:50 – 36:57)
I use a quarter. Or a little bit more. I have a lot of hair.
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Rinse your hair. So that if you’ve washed your scalp, you don’t really have to scrub the rest of your hair. You can just let the suds run through the rest of it.
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And that’s good enough. You can, if your hair, if you’re like, I was extra sweaty and my hair feels gross and nasty, then you can wash it. And kind of gently massage it.
(37:33 – 37:52)
But don’t do anything too rough with your hair. You don’t want to tie it in a knot and really fold it on itself and roughly wash it. You want it to be gentle with it.
(37:53 – 38:10)
And then use lukewarm to cold water. Don’t use hot water on your hair when you’re washing it. For one thing, hot water causes your hair follicle to open up too much.
(38:10 – 38:32)
And when you’re washing it, if your hair follicle is too far open, you lose more of the natural hair oils. You lose more moisture in your hair. The chatroom is like, how many milliliters is a nickel? Some.
(38:34 – 38:45)
23. That is it. I don’t know if I’m ready to give up hot showers.
(38:46 – 38:56)
You can still have a hot shower, just when you rinse your hair, turn the temperature down. Yeah, hot water can strip your hair. Yup.
(38:58 – 39:09)
I’ll strip it right on out. So once you’ve rinsed your hair, put conditioner in it. Now the conditioner, you do in the exact opposite way from the shampoo.
(39:09 – 39:24)
Shampoo, you wash your scalp and let it kind of rinse through the length. Conditioner, you apply the conditioner to the end of your hair. And then work it up through the rest of it towards your scalp.
(39:25 – 39:34)
Don’t take your conditioner and go bloop right on top of your head. Don’t put conditioner on your scalp. You will gunk it up.
(39:35 – 39:46)
Your hair will get greasier faster. In fact, try not to put conditioner directly on your scalp at all. The conditioner goes on your hair, not your skin.
(39:46 – 39:58)
The shampoo goes on your skin. On your scalp are a whole bunch of oil glands, sebaceous glands. That’s what you’re cleaning when you wash your scalp.
(39:58 – 40:09)
You’re cleaning the oil glands on your scalp. Cleaning your hair is just kind of a happy coincidence. It happens at the same time.
(40:11 – 40:26)
When you condition it, you start towards the end of your hair. The longer your hair is, actually the easier this is. I use so much conditioner.
(40:27 – 40:43)
I run through conditioner faster than I run through shampoo. I have a lot of hair. Tina says, do you mix up conditioner and shampoo or do you do it separately? Always separately.
(40:44 – 40:52)
First do shampoo. Rinse your hair really, really well. Squeeze out some of the moisture.
(40:53 – 40:59)
Start close to your scalp and just squeeze. Do not wring. Don’t twist your hair.
(41:00 – 41:09)
Just squeeze it out towards the tips of your hair. All the way down. I give it a good shake too because I have enough hair to do that.
(41:10 – 41:22)
Then you get your conditioner and you start working it in about midway down your length. Focus on the length of the hair. Not close to the scalp.
(41:22 – 41:32)
Just the hair. Just the bits. You can’t see what I’m doing but usually I have my hair up.
(41:33 – 41:42)
I have it loose tonight. It’s still slightly damp because I washed it earlier today. I’m holding it between my mouth and the microphone.
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I have a lot of hair. I have so much fucking hair. Patty says, what if I don’t have time to do this whole routine every day? You’re in luck.
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You shouldn’t. Do not wash your hair every day. You should only wash your hair every two or three days.
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Or four if your hair is in good condition. You do not have to wash your hair nearly as often as most people do. They wind up thinking, well I gotta wash it every day.
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No you don’t. Nope. No you don’t.
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You don’t have to wash your hair every day. You can wash your hair every two or three days depending on did you get it sweaty? Is it gross? Have you started to feel greasy? If yes, wash it. If no, try dry shampoo.
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Patty said, my whole life it’s wash everything every day. Including hair. Skin, if you are dirty, wash every day.
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Hair, every two or three days. Or four. Or five.
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You can wait a while. The more often you wash your hair and the harsher the stuff you’ve been using on your hair. So if you’re using a shampoo that has SLS in it.
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One of the more harsh shampoos. By stripping all of the oil out of your head on a daily basis. It causes all of the oil glands on your scalp to go, oh shit.
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We’re super dry. Make extra grease. Make more.
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So then, yes. You wind up. If you miss a day or two.
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You wind up looking like a grease ball. And it’s because you’ve been using the wrong product and you’ve been over washing. Bye Miss Audrey.
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Kylie said, I just want to say I appreciate you not putting an R in wash. Warsh. Patty said, Miss Harper’s Wild.
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Never heard anyone recommending going over three days. For a little while there in my twenties, I did the no poo method. Which involves using baking soda to wash your hair.
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And apple cider vinegar to rinse. So no actual product used in it. And doing the no poo method, you can go even longer between shampooing.
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Patty said, does that work? Yeah, it works really, really well. Like it really, really worked. I don’t do that anymore.
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Laziness mostly. It’s a pain in the ass. Patty’s like, that sounds like pseudoscience.
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Nope, it worked really well. Patty said, I’m scared. What does it do? Baking soda.
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You make a paste of baking soda and water in the shower. Rub it into your scalp. Rinse it out.
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Completely ignore the rest of your hair. Rinse it thoroughly. And then use like a quarter cup or so of apple cider vinegar.
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And put that on top of your head. And let that run through. Rinse that through with cold water.
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And you’re done. That’s the no poo method. The first month or so that you’re doing that with your hair, give or take.
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So it could be two weeks. It could be four weeks. Your hair has to adjust to it.
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And it’s the oil glands on the top of your head going, what the fuck am I doing? And so you can wind up kind of feeling like you’re extra greasy. But once your scalp recovers, it’s great. My hair was so soft.
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And then I dyed it and was like, nope, I have to go back to using actual chemistry on my hair. Because it was no longer like I dyed it. I fried the shit out of it.
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And just doing no poo, great for making the hair color last a little bit longer. Less great because I really, really needed to start putting conditioner back into it because I’d stripped it. So that’s the story of why I don’t do no poo.
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Because I dyed my hair and then got out of the habit. So growing your hair out nice and long and thick and luscious involves taking really good, careful care of your scalp. Okay? I’m going to hammer that one in.
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Shampoo that has sodium lauryl or sodium lauryl sulfate in it is too harsh. It will fuck up your hair. If you don’t get enough water, if you’re not taking a fucking multivitamin, eat fiber, take care of your health.
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All of that can affect your hair and can make it thin and brittle and prone to breaking. If you start growing out your hair and you decide that having your hair touching your face all the time is very obnoxious so you get a scrunchie and you put your hair in a ponytail, your hair is more likely to break at the spot where you put the scrunchie. So if you do that habitually, you will wind up stunting your hair and it won’t grow as long.
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Try using things like clips, like claw clips, to hold it up in a bun or I routinely wear, I put a stick in my hair. That was me dropping my stick. I put a stick in my hair like a hair stick or a chopstick.
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That’s how I keep my hair up. It’s long enough that I can do that. Look it up YouTube.
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There’s videos about that but it helps prevent the damage that a scrunchie can cause or a rubber band. Doing that to your hair is bad for you. Every six to eight weeks, trim your hair.
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Trim the tips. You can have this professionally done. You can also just kind of divide your hair in half and pull it all in front of yourself and look at yourself in the mirror and line your two sides up and snip, snip.
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Once it’s long enough, it’s pretty easy to do. That’s what I just did. I took off, oh, I would say like three inches today.
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My hair is still waist length. At the length that my hair currently is, three inches is nothing. Addie says, I don’t know how to braid or even make a bun.
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YouTube. Go on YouTube. There are video tutorials for anything and you can learn how to do it.
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First news, we need to see pictures of your hair to believe it. Everybody’s like, ooh, I want hair porn. So a hair mask.
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I mentioned some DIY hair masks, right? Coconut oil. Put coconut oil in it. You can also go to any place that sells hair stuff and you will find deep conditioning treatments.
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These can range from a hot oil treatment. It’s not actually that hot. You get a cup with hot water and you put the packet inside there and it kind of warms it up.
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In the shower, wash your hair, technically wash your scalp, and then apply the hot oil treatment or the deep conditioning treatment. You can, like Sally’s Beauty Supply in the United States, you can go to Sally’s and get, usually it’s in a packet, a little square, squishy packet, and it’s just enough for one hair treatment. Put it on the tips of your hair and work it up the length.
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Let it sit on there and soak in while you finish the rest of your shower and then rinse it back out again. Some hair treatments will want you to leave it on for longer. That’s when you put it on and you put it up underneath the shower cap thing and when you set a timer, when your timer is up 30, 45 minutes later, you rinse it back out of your hair and you’re good.
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I did one of those last week. I was using CER-10. I don’t know if you guys have ever heard of that one or CER-100.
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It’s a ceramide. Yeah. Elizavecca CER-100 Collagen Coating Hair Protein Treatment.
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This stuff’s amazing. I was in love with this. Here, I will share a link into the chat room.
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I’m also going to put that in my Horse Cool Discord under the research section. That’s the shit. It’s amazing.
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You put it on your hair and then rinse it out 20 minutes later. It’s great. It makes your hair all sleek and smooth and healthy and wonderful.
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And it doesn’t smell bad. There’s all sorts of products like that. Just either get something like that or go to Sally’s Beauty Supply and pick up whatever the people there recommend.
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You can walk in and you can say, oh, there’s people in the chat room. Mott’s in there. Hi, Mott.
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Mott asks, so wearing hats is sounding bad for your hair? Yes, it is. Hats are bad for your hair, especially if it’s anything that you do habitually to your hair has a potential to fuck up your hair and fuck up your scalp. Anything that reduces airflow to your scalp or if you sweat a lot and you wear a hat every day, yep, that’s going to fuck up your hair.
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There’s a bunch of stuff that can fuck up your hair. The ideal way to take care of your hair, if you have the kind of a job where you have to wear a hat and you sweat a whole lot, okay. You probably can’t wait two to three days before you shampoo your hair.
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Well, what you can do is just rinse it with cold water instead of stripping it with a too harsh shampoo. And you can definitely use a conditioner. Most people, it drives me insane.
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There are people in this world who don’t use a conditioner on their hair ever. I don’t understand that. How? How? Do you enjoy crunchy hair? Don’t do that.
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Yikes. Oh, also, if you’re growing your hair out and you want it to continue growing long, invest in a satin bonnet. Satin because it protects your hair.
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Satin or silk. Silk-lined or satin-lined bonnet. It’s just better.
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It’s just better for your hair. Like, oh, my God. So it minimizes friction overnight.
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So if you toss and turn at night, right, and every time you turn over, your head is rubbing across your pillow, you can put a satin pillowcase on your pillow or you can wear a satin bonnet on your head. It reduces the amount of friction on your hair. It protects your hair so that you are less likely to have a bunch of frizz and breaking, like breakage in your hair.
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You can also try a protective hairstyle. So braid your hair before bed if it’s long enough just so that it doesn’t tangle overnight, so that it doesn’t rub all over the place and wind up breaking on you. I braid my hair.
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I pull it forward over one shoulder and I braid it just like that and then I go to bed. And it works perfectly well. I haven’t managed to find a bonnet that I like a whole bunch.
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They make my head hot. Which is a silly thing to say, but they do. They make my head hot and I don’t like it.
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But if you can, a satin bonnet lets your hair grow longer, stronger, faster. So if you combine all of these tips and tricks, this is how you get your hair to grow very long and very lush. Shampoo the scalp.
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Condition the length of your hair. Apply a hair mask or a hair treatment to your hair once a month. Maybe every six to eight weeks.
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Trim your hair. Trim for split ends. Try using a satin bonnet or a satin pillowcase to protect your hair overnight.
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Don’t compress your hair too much. So don’t wear it in the same style with the same hair stuff in it all the time. Addie says, yes, satin is super hot.
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I know! I really wanted to be able to wear this. I got a satin bonnet. I was like, this is going to be great.
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La, la, la, la, la. Followed by, I am dying. So satin pillowcase.
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That’s my compromise was a satin pillowcase. And of course, if you have curly hair, if you have wavy hair, if you have kinky hair, there are products out there that are made for that specific type of hair. Hey, Mott.
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Mott came over here. What’s up, homie? Addie said, kinky hair. That’s referring to, so like, if you are black and you have kinky hair, if you have very curly hair, hopefully you know how to take care of your hair.
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The rules for people with very, very kinky hair are different from people who have my style of hair. My hair is slightly wavy. Unless I do stuff to it to make it more wavy.
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I can’t believe you couldn’t find the chat room, Mott. How? Communitykink.com. You just go there. Wait, where were you? Oh, good grief.
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You were in the Discord. That’s why I didn’t. There’s too many places for me to monitor for comments.
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Mott said, sorry, I’m still an idiot. Nonsense, Bon Mott. You’re good.
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So, Whore School, because you’re here right at the very end. Whore School is adult sex education. Aimed at teaching grown-up people how to exist in the world.
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Take good care of your hair so that you can have long, luscious looks like mine. Whore School airs every Sunday evening from 11 to midnight on the East Coast. That’s 8 to 9 on the West Coast.
(1:00:23 – 1:00:32)
Time zones. Figure your shit out. During the live show, head to communitykink.com because the chat room is hopping.
(1:00:32 – 1:00:39)
Then you can play the Distract Harper game. It’s tons of fun. Thank you guys for listening.
(1:00:39 – 1:00:45)
I’ll be back again next week. Ow. I have no idea what I’m going to talk about next week.
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I’ll come up with something, though. It might involve Tarot. Maybe.
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Because Halloween. Mwahaha. Thank you guys for listening.
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I will see you all again next week. Wash your hair. And then wash your ass.
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Good night.
Find the Whore School Schedule right here, and remember to join the Whore School discord for more memes, connection, and all the resources used by Ms Harper for the show. Whore School is adult sex education with no fear, no guilt, and no shame!
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