WS 481 Body Worship and Self Love

Listen to “WS 481 Body Worship and Self Love” on Spreaker.

 

WS 481 Body Worship and Self Love

 

On January 11, 2026 Ms Harper took a little time to do some self love of her own, and went to see the anniversary in-theater release of Labyrinth! After that extra loud excursion, she was gifted the opportunity to learn details about some listeners person shower routines that derailed the expected show topic from Body Worship to Basic Body Care Please Stop Treating Your Body Like THAT. Nevertheless, some body worship and self love discussion did happen, even if we had to go back to basics and remedial body care first. Give it a listen, and enjoy hearing Ms Harper’s flabber completely ghasted!

 

(0:02 – 4:51)
You know, sometimes I am really on top of things, and other times I am less so. There’s our chime. I’m not on top of things.

Good evening. This is Whore School. I am Harper.

Hopefully you can hear me. Oh, I see. Music.

Why? Why? Oh, you can hear me. Good. Yay.

I played it, right? I heard the chime. Oh my god. So, Fathom Events, or whatever the fuck it is, had a, fuck you too, Twitter.

So, Fathom had a thing where they were like, oh, hey, guess what? We’re doing Labyrinth for the anniversary, whatever year anniversary that was. I don’t know. Hang on.

I have to type a few things because of reasons. Because I forgot to. So, look.

If you had just spent two hours staring at David Bowie’s codpiece, you would also be a little bit frazzled and distracted. Hi. So, Whore School is adult sex education.

You’re going to get educated. We’re talking about body worship and self-love tonight because I can, because I want to, because it’s fun, and because I plan to melt your brains. You’re welcome.

Also, my allergies are absolutely batshit. So, I am snuffly. Ew.

If you’re listening to the live show, head to communitykink.com. I have Jet, Kali, Mott, Patty, the Nervous Student, Sissy Addie, and Sissy Terry have all joined us in here tonight. Sup, homies? Ugh. Snuffly.

Ew. I took Claritin. Ew.

You know what? I can take Zyrtec, too. Nothing says you can’t take two different types of antihistamine, right? Fuck it. Life is short.

Drugs. Kelly said Texas is against that. Actually, fun fact, Texas passed a law making a certain specific subset of THC legal.

Delta 9 is legal in Texas. And for a little bit there, it looked like Abbott was about to try to ban it again, only at the last minute, he refused to sign that into law. Gosh, I guess the several billion dollar industry waved money in his direction and went, hey, are you sure you want to ban this? Patty has a tutorial tomorrow, but they’ve had no class time.

I mean, Patty said, why are Americans so against weed? I will refer you back to my repeated talking point to wit, fuck John Calvin and the Puritans. Like, honestly, Kelly doesn’t understand how I could stand to live in Texas. I was born in Texas.

(4:53 – 7:25)
Honestly, Texas is great. It’s gerrymandered to hell and back. As soon as, so we used to have, oh my god, I can picture her in my head.

We had a badass female Democrat governor for the longest time, Ann Richards. I remembered her name. We had Ann Richards, right? And she was fabulous.

Very Democrat, very progressive. And they managed to unseat her, which sucked. Fabulous.

Great. Thanks. Here.

Texas governors. Former governors. Yeah.

Ann Richards from 1991 to 1995. Democrat. And then we had from 1995 to 2000 in Texas, Governor George W. Bush.

Kelly said Bush, boo. Right. So yeah, it was old Bushy boy.

And he gerrymandered the fuck out of us. Since he had, he said, Bush is from Texas. Yeah.

Yeah, he’s from Texas. He’s still in Texas. Bitch ain’t dead yet.

He’s still down here. Like, he’s still here. And then it was a Governor Rick Perry from 2000 to 2015.

You know, Rick Perry tried to run for president. That guy. Yeah.

Him. Yep. Them.

Welcome to Texas. Even our assholes are bigger. So now we’ve got Abbott.

So that bitch ass punk. So Abbott comes along. So Abbott is disabled and he uses a wheelchair to get around.

(7:26 – 12:58)
But he has decided that it would be a good idea to remove protections for disabled people in Texas specifically, including Texas laws that previously had made it required that if you have a public facing building that the public is allowed access to, you had to have wheelchair accessible entrances. So it’s a little, it’s a little ironic that a governor in a wheelchair removed the ramps. Yeah.

Terry says she just realized she was listening to last week’s show. Hey, you caught on pretty fast. That’s good though.

Also, y’all, why are movie theaters nowadays so fucking loud? I forgot to take my loop plugs with me. God, that was dumb of me, right? I have a headache from the loud noise of the theater. It was so loud.

Oh, I bought these for a reason and then left them at home because I just wasn’t thinking. So we’re going to discuss body worship and self-love. And I really do want to take this in an extreme anti-puritan sort of a way.

And there’s a reason for that. Oh, it’s that song, what the world needs now is love, sweet love. Yeah.

We need, we need that. You need that. Lots of people need that.

Now, I’m not saying that you should hunt down the mean, angry people and offer them a hug on account of don’t put yourself in danger, right? Yeah. Eddie said they’re loud now. Yeah.

Movies are so fucking noisy. God. What I was watching was Labyrinth, right? It’s the anniversary of the Labyrinth coming out.

And so we went and we watched and it was fabulous. And, you know, David Bowie and Brian Froud and Henson and Muppets, really good. Oh, we’re good.

Everybody was, it’s such a fever dream. I fucking love it. But it was really noisy.

Oh, Patty said, that’s why you were staring at David Bowie. Yeah. Who met me with Babe? Mott hasn’t been to the theater in a decade.

I mean, that is a choice. We were all masked because we’re not stupid. We had really great seats.

It’s the really good theater where like, you can lay the seat all the way back and basically lay there. It’s fabulous. I took a blanket because I’m not dumb.

And so I was all toasty, cozy, warm and cuddled up and it was great. The only problem is it was too fucking loud. My ears.

Like it was really loud. Sissy Terry said, I went to my first movie since 2019 this year. I see, I skipped almost every movie in 2020 because nope.

So in 2019, I went to go see exactly one movie. We went to an early matinee and sat as far away from other people as we could get and we’re wearing masks and still we were all like, oh God. And we went to go see The Green Knight.

Love me some arthouse shit. It was great. The Green Knight.

Oh my God. Yeah. The Riddle in Labyrinth.

She actually got it correct. So good for her. Yes.

The Two Guards. There’s two guards in Labyrinth and one always lies and one always tells the truth. And how do you know which one is lying? The traditional version is you can only ask like three questions or make three guesses or something like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Patty says everyone forgets to mention you’re only allowed to ask one question to one of them.

Yeah. I love that riddle. It’s a good riddle because people, it’s like the Monty Hall problem.

(12:59 – 13:03)
He’s like, oh my God, that’s from Labyrinth. No, it predates Labyrinth. They just used it.

(13:03 – 13:13)
It’s an old one. It’s great. I think it predates Labyrinth.

(13:14 – 18:18)
It’s one of those mind teaser puzzles. So body worship back on topic, which is going to be tricky because like I said, I have a headache. So the topic, yeah.

I need a massage, which is body worship. Look, in this day and age, doing things that feel good and that make you feel good and that make you feel well rested and loved and content in your life is not the kind of thing that our corporate overlords really want to encourage because you are far easier to control and manipulate if you are a little bit tired and emotionally overwhelmed and vaguely dissatisfied with life. And so anything that you do that makes you feel less tired, more emotionally satisfied and happy reduces the amount of time that you’re going to spend buying something to make yourself feel better or self-soothing yourself with something that maybe isn’t the best for you long term.

Hey, Demi owns me. Oh, what up, homie? I apologize for the snuffles. Cincy Terry says happiness is so hard to find these days.

So back in 2020, I did a couple of episodes of Whore School. I put out some little meditation and mindfulness tracks as well for people to make use of because it’s important and I’m a giver. I’m generous that way.

But what I think you need to keep in mind is that we have become even more isolated from one another. I saw an infographic and we all know that all infographics are, you know, infallible and always tell the truth that it takes, what is it, eight hugs in order just to maintain your emotional equilibrium per day. I don’t know that we can really quantify like that, but it still remains true that human beings are intensely social.

We’re very, very social mammals. Other cultures touch so much more than Americans do. They hug.

They put their hands on each other’s shoulders. They just fucking touch more often than people in America do. In America, you don’t touch somebody because it’s assumed that if you’re touching them, it means you want to have sex with them because fucking Puritans.

Mott says, I want to hug so badly, right? It’s called touch starvation. Human beings wind up experiencing symptoms of massive depression because they’ve become starved for touch. And when you’re starved for something, you will start looking for something that comes close to it in any way that you can possibly find.

So there is something that you can do to kind of start to fill the gap a little bit. I’m going to walk you through what it is. There’s a technique that comes from long-term nursing care.

It’s called therapeutic touch. It’s like massage, except a little bit different. The goal of a massage is usually to rub your muscles.

It feels really great. So one thing that you can do if you’re feeling touch starved is go get a massage. And yes, you’re paying somebody to touch your body in a non-sexual way.

Please do not ask for a happy ending. Stop being a horny pervert for five seconds. But an awful lot of people, they wind up mistaking touch starvation for wanting sex.

That the reason why you want to touch somebody isn’t because, you know, you haven’t touched another human being in literal years, and part of your brain is going, help me. No, no. You must want to touch that person because you want to have sex with them.

(18:19 – 20:26)
The odds are far more likely you want to touch that person because you like them and you need human fucking touch. Yes. So Patty says, I just got back to my apartment and I think that means I might be going four months without hugging anyone.

You know, you can just like talk to people and ask them, like friends, be like, hey dude, I could really use a hug today. And if they’re like, no man, I’m good. Oh, well, okay.

It’s very depressing. You know, the worst case scenario is they say no. Best case scenario, they’re like, oh man, me too.

And then you get a hug. Mont says, I watch massage videos on YouTube to fall asleep to. And Sissy Addie said, I’m very specific about people touching me.

Like I really like skin to skin contact, but some people just make me super uncomfortable. Oftentimes people who make you feel uncomfortable are because they’re taking it to a weird place, like a sexy place and you’re just touchy. Yeah.

Okay. So therapeutic touch. Let’s discuss therapeutic touch.

When you go for a massage, the goal is they’re going to put their hand on your arm and they’re going to try to move the muscle underneath your skin. Therapeutic touch is you’re going to put your hand on your arm and you’re going to move the skin, not the muscle. Okay.

So put your hand on your arm and you can feel it. You can feel that your skin should have a little bit of slip over your muscles. Not a whole lot.

Like it’s, it’s usually pretty stuck in place. It’s not moving around too much. Right.

But you’re not going to grip so tightly that you’re like, oh yeah, muscle. No, no, just the skin. Okay.

And your fingertips should move a little bit across your skin and you should stroke and rub. That’s therapeutic touch. Give it a whirl.

(20:27 – 20:39)
If it makes parts of your brain light up, kind of a mental goosebumps or actual physical goosebumps. Hey, you need more therapeutic touch. You should do that.

(20:43 – 21:36)
Yeah. Patty said, hold on. This might be one of the topics from last year.

I ended up genuinely crying from and hugging a pillow after trying to do this to myself. Yeah. If that happens to you, you are touch starved.

You need touch. Book a massage and it is perfectly okay to book a massage and then tell the person, you know, just pet me for a while. 90 minutes of petting.

That’s all I need. It’ll help. It is not quite the same as getting a hug and good solid, you know, friendly touch from a person every day, but massage is good for you.

(21:36 – 27:21)
And if money is a problem, so like if you’re a broke college student, for example, trade a massage with other people because you touching other people is just as good for you as being touched. We need to both touch and be touched. So you find somebody and you say, Hey, rub my neck for 20 minutes and then I’ll rub yours for 20 minutes.

And then if we want more, we can keep going. And then see if you want to put up like a poster somewhere on the common space for your university or your work or wherever. Massage exchange Mondays from three to five show up and we’ll rub each other’s back because touching and being touched is absolutely fucking vital for human beings.

Mott says, neck rubs at Mott’s house. Dude, neck rubs at the local library. Book a room, put up a sign because even if nobody wants to rub you, you can be giving massages to other people.

Just be like, Hey, I’ll rub your neck. I’ll rub your shoulders. Clothing on in a public location.

It’s a low cost way to get you some human fucking contact. Yes. You’re probably going to wind up having to touch some people that you’d be like, I don’t want to.

That’s fine. You can say no. You can be like, hmm.

See, Patty says, I would laugh so hard if someone came with this proposition to me. I wouldn’t be able to look at it innocently. It’s easier if you already have a friend group that you can bring it up with.

Hey, let’s sit in a circle and rub each other’s necks. It’ll be great. And Patty says, how creepy would that poster sound? Not creepy at all.

Not creepy at all. You’re like, Hey, finals are coming up. Stressed? We’re having a massage circle.

Come and join us. Super easy. Have it in public.

Put on your poster or whatever. Clothing stays on. Completely platonic.

Just neck rubs. Because if you’re like, Hey, let me rub your feet. People are going to think that that’s something sexy.

You’re like, Hey, I’m going to rub your hands. They’re going to think that that’s something sexy. Yeah.

Addie said that she would laugh and Patty said that the poster would sound creepy. Yeah. So, but try therapeutic touch on yourself too.

Seriously. The next time you have an opportunity to get yourself completely naked in a non-sexual way, just use your fingertips and touch yourself, your shoulders, your upper arms, all the way down to your arms, across your chest, your ribs, your stomach, your thighs, your knees, the insides of your thighs, the outsides, the back of your knee. Say Kali shaved her arms.

She says, rubbing my shaved arm versus the unshaved arm is so different. Make it into a little self-love ritual. Okay.

So if it becomes something where you’re like, this feels weird, that’s okay. Get some lotion and rub that into your skin. It rubs the lotion into its skin.

Not to be creepy about that or anything, but get some really good lotion. I like body gel from Nivea. It’s some amazing stuff.

What was it? Excuse me. That was upsetting. I’m looking for their entire line of lotions to be like, what you got, buddy? There was one that I had found that products, does it say body, men, lips? What the hell? What an odd way to divide things out.

We have for bodies, for men, and for your lips. Okay. It’s a very odd way to describe shit.

Oh, load more. Sure. Show me what you got.

(27:22 – 29:07)
I’m a big fan of the Nivea line of products. Anyways, just pick a good lotion. Hattie said, I should too.

I was planning to use it after showers, but that fell apart. Susie Hattie said, men have three in one shampoo, so they get whole body moisturizers. Yes, because everyone knows that men’s skin is very different from women’s.

It’s not. It’s not different. You remember ever seeing those stupid ads for like, underarm deodorant? They’re like, it’s made for a woman.

It’s pH balanced for a woman’s skin. Are we acidic? What? Anyway, that’s part of my why is this shit gendered lecture. Needlessly gendered.

Just get some fucking lotion. Rub the lotion into your flesh. It feels good.

You will like it. Kelly’s having flashbacks to old episodes of Horror School. Yeah.

Please never, ever use a product that says it does like more than one job at the same time. Shampoo and conditioner. The ones that are shampoo, conditioner, and body wash.

(29:09 – 29:56)
For fuck’s sake. Okay. That’s the other half of this.

It’s body worship and self-love. Please, please treat your body nice. Not to be all consumerist, you should buy multiple products on me, but please be nice to your body.

You know, be nice to your anatomy, por favor. Je t’adore. Like, you deserve a shampoo and conditioner in two different bottles.

(30:02 – 31:00)
Suzy Addie said Nivea is weird internationally. Their website here is divided into body, face, Nivea men, and sunscreen. That’s fucking odd.

Why? Why are they like, yeah, the men stuff is separate. Fellas, gentlemen, dudes, please cut that shit out. Just because a product says it is for men does not mean that like, it’s any different than the product that’s for women.

Oftentimes the stuff that’s labeled as if it is for women is more expensive than the stuff that’s for men. But that’s just because capitalism blows. Dumb asses.

(31:07 – 33:02)
Mott says I use dove soap in the winter. No dry skin. Okay, so are you using a bar of dove soap? Like, soap? Soap? A bar.

And he says he has no dry skin. You are a grease ball, baby doll. Look, I don’t want to, I don’t want to be all, uh, don’t, but also, uh, okay, so some of the dove bars do have some moisturizer built in, like mixed in, but it is also possible for you to get just really extremely plain soap that does not have anything added to it, and it will dry the shit out of you, which results in all of your sebaceous glands, all the oil glands in your skin, overreacting in order to make up for what you just stripped out of your flesh.

So, uh, be careful. Just use some lotion, dude. Let me see.

Where’s the pure soap? Yeah, okay, so Dr. Bronner’s pure Castile bar soap, for example. That stuff. The pure glycerin, anything that says, oh, look at that.

(33:05 – 33:23)
Pure beef tallow soap. Excuse me. Don’t use those.

Ivory soap. Oh, god. Why are, that’s the one.

(33:28 – 34:45)
Patty says, ever since I started using ivory soap, I still haven’t gotten over the sensation of my skin feeling so dry while still in the shower and covered in water. Okay, so ivory soap is, is the one. Wait, ivory is bad? Ivory is terrible.

Please stop using that. It’s a good soap, okay? It is a fabulous soap. Um, as a hand soap, fabulous.

Like, uh, especially post-pandemic, you know, when they were like, hey, you should use real actual soap because it will denature the capsule body of a virus. She says, I got that from your recommendation. Not just ivory.

Nivea. Nivea is what you want. Or, oil of ole, or, god, Dove.

I have an unreasonable issue with Dove. Ivory soap is pure soap. There’s no moisturizer mixed into it.

(34:50 – 35:29)
Patty says, I wanted to start using lotion as well, but I got lazy about it. Well, there’s your problem. Okay, so here’s what you’re going to do.

You are going to stop using ivory soap except on your hands. You are not going to use anything that says it is a pure soap on your body parts. You are extra super duper.

Anything that says it is lye soap, do not use that on your flesh without following immediately with lotion. My allergies are out of control. Oh my god.

(35:31 – 36:21)
Patty says, we’re so off topic. No, no, this is self-love and body worship because you cannot, like, if you’re not taking good care of your body, you’re not worshiping your body correctly. I’m sorry.

That sounds terrible. Wow, I said that. Okay, you’re not worshiping your body in the most gentle and loving way that it could possibly have been done.

Okay, there. I will tell you, I, in my shower right now, I have two different types of body wash in there that I’m currently using. Here, I’m going to pull up, this is for y’all.

(36:21 – 36:30)
Okay, I got it off Amazon. I know, terrible. In my defense, they deliver.

(36:33 – 37:22)
Let me look at my upcoming deliveries. What have I gotten here? Let me put in body wash. I should search my orders for that body wash.

I know, I’m the snot machine. All right, Cremo White Jasmine Amber Skin Moisturizing Body Wash for Women. It smells like jasmine, red currant, and sweet amber.

It smells so fucking good. It is awesome. I love it.

(37:23 – 38:16)
When you wash, okay, you are going to treat your body like it is beautiful, divine, and precious, and I don’t give a shit if you’re like, but I’m fat and I’ve got back pimples. I don’t care. I don’t care.

You’re going to treat your body like your body is divine, okay? Because I’m not going to trust you to treat my body like it’s divine if you treat your body like it’s trash. Mott says, no washcloth for me. No, because you should be using an African net sponge.

Do not even speak to me. Like, no. What you’re going to do is you’re going to, African net sponge, that’s what you’re going to look for, and then you’re going to look in here and you’re going to find the ones that are knotted, which might mean that you have to like zoom in on these pictures and really, really look.

(38:16 – 39:37)
Nope, that’s just fucking printed. Fuck you. Incorrect.

You’re going to find actual, authentic a net sponge, okay? Here’s one. Authentic, it says. And if you zoom in and look, there should be knots tied in the strands, okay? And it’s going to help exfoliate your flesh, all right? You are not going to use anything that says it is a pure soap.

You are going to use a washcloth of some sort. No more of this, oh, I just use my hands. Yeah, no.

Patty says, also doesn’t stuff like that hold bacteria for a long time between showers? No, it doesn’t. You spread it out and let it dry in between showers. If you’re using a soap, you’re fine.

Soap, like actual, cleanse yourself. Soap. You know what? You can keep the ivory soap if you start moisturizing your ass after you get out of the shower, okay? You can keep the ivory soap and use the exfoliating African net sponge.

(39:37 – 40:14)
I am so very not kidding. What? You can use ivory soap if you add moisturizer afterwards. Otherwise, you are drying out your flesh.

You’re ashy, okay? Mott said, I clean my shower while taking a shower. What do you clean your shower with? I am upset by that sentence. That’s a spray.

(40:20 – 40:44)
Patty says, I don’t have space to spread it out to dry. Okay. One, when you’re in the shower, please stop breathing in whatever fumes are coming off of your cleaning spray.

(40:45 – 42:51)
That’s number one. Number two, please stop getting your cleaning spray all over your body, because there is micro spray and there is blowback, and now you have got, what, Clorox on you? What? I thought this was going to be a nice little, okay, and we’re just going to, you’re going to light a candle, and you’re going to worship yourself. You’re going to rub some lotion onto your dehydrated flesh, and it’s all going to be very, like, pagan new age, self love, blah, blah, blah.

Stop cleaning the shower while you’re in it. Use a washcloth at the very least, but please actually get an African net sponge. I found a two pack for $9.99 on Amazon, and it’s from Corated African net sponge, authentic shower loofah exfoliate.

I’m going to, you know what, they have some blue and purple. That looks really cute. I’m just going to, I’m just going to buy now.

We’re just going to, I’m just going to do this, okay? Oh, my God, y’all. Okay, so get some of that, okay? You can also, the other, so I said I have two different body washes, because I alternate back and forth between them, because I am, you know, special that way. Oh, my God.

Look, I’ve forgotten the name of what I use. Okay, just type in Old Spice Body Wash, okay? Old Spice Body Wash. Here’s a new one, cashmere and vanilla wood.

That sounds good. 65 cents an ounce. Go for that.

(42:51 – 43:01)
Get that, okay? Because it’ll smell nice. You’ll be like, oh, it’s masculine. I don’t give a fuck.

(43:02 – 44:33)
It’s free of the phthalates. It’s free of silicones. It has no dye.

It’s got cologne already in it. You don’t need to add anything afterwards. You just use that, and then you put, just type in, okay, Nivea Lotion, okay? Or Nivea Body Lotion, whatever.

I really do not care. Intensive Healing Body Lotion. Look at this.

Look at, holy shit, there’s a coupon that knocks it down to $5.59. Addie says, I don’t know if I want to smell like forest about Old Spice. No, it’s one that smells like cashmere and vanilla. What’s going to hose off in the backyard? That is not how we worship our body.

I mean, that could be a method to worship your body, but also, Jesus Christ, dude. Addie says, okay, so Old Spice is generally a good brand. Yes, Old Spice is good.

I have Old Spice in my shower. Yes, I know it’s generally for men, but also it smells nice. Which kind am I using? I forget.

Night Panther. That’s the one that I have. I got Night Panther because it has a kitty cat.

It was cool. See, tell me what this one smells like. You’re not allowed to know.

(44:37 – 49:22)
I think I picked this one because the reviews on it were like, this one smells, it’s a little bit floral, which is why I wanted it. See, see, Addie says, I get the impulse to make it just one product that can do everything, so I don’t need to spend an hour on just a shower. Callie says, is it Night Panther, another phone sex site? No, it’s Night Flirt.

Yes, Night Panther. This is the one that I have. It’s a little bit more floral than some of them, which I happen to enjoy.

Also, if they have it in Volcano. Oh wow, I typed that wrong. Volcano.

Volcano smells nice. Ooh, Gentleman’s Exfoliating and Moisturizing Body Wash for Men in Sandalwood and Aloe Vera. Come on.

Addie said Volcano. Isn’t it just sulfur? It smelled really good. No lie, it’s an underarm deodorant in Volcano.

It was one of their limited run ones and I was like, oh, that one actually smells really nice. I can’t remember what it smelled like. There it is.

Citrus Amber Scent. I like anything that smells like amber, so I was like, sold, done. Mott says, I brush my teeth in the shower.

At least you brush your teeth. I’m going to take it as a win. Yeah, sold, done.

Patty says, I didn’t have the energy for a full shower routine. That’s why I stopped using lotion, which was apparently worse for me than I thought considering I was using ivory soap. Yeah, you can use ivory soap if you moisturize yourself afterwards.

Otherwise, you’re just being needlessly mean to your own skin. Why are you mean? Why are you mean to you? That’s my job. Mott says that I make him laugh.

Yeah, well, you made my headache worse. Mister, I clean the shower while I’m in it. Oh, congratulations.

Good for you. You clean the shower. That’s really good.

Could you make those two separate things so that you’re not wet and naked while you do it? Please and thank you. So what I want you to do, I really do love a shower routine or a shower ritual, and it does not have to be a whole hour long thing. Patty said this was supposed to be a stress reliever of an episode, right? Yeah, I thought it was.

I thought this was going to be easy. I was wrong. You have stressed me out.

Good job. Thank you. Love yourselves enough to please be kind to yourselves.

Check out Therapeutic Touch. Book yourself a massage. Try to set up, I don’t know, a massage circle.

(49:29 – 52:20)
When you shower, you should attempt to exfoliate your anatomy. Please. Seriously.

Authentic African net sponge. A soap of some sort. If your soap makes you feel like weirdly dry, stop that.

Add moisture to your skin. Please. Because another reason why you’re going to want to add moisture or change up what you’re using when you’re washing your anatomy.

So Patty is using ivory soap because it has to do with the pH of the soap plus the pH of your water. If you have hard water, which is a higher in mineral content water, plus ivory soap, you get what’s called soap scum. And soap scum is if there is a kind of a white buildup inside your shower, right? You can also get that on you because it doesn’t rinse all the way off when you are washing.

Especially if you’re not using anything other than your hand to clean your anatomy with. So if when you are washing your back, you’re not using a tool to make sure you reach all of your back, you are not washing all of your body. You can only wash the parts that your literal fingers can reach to.

A washcloth or a net sponge lets you, you hold it in both hands behind your back and rub back and forth and it lets you wash your whole back, including that hard to get spot that’s directly between your shoulder blades. You have to wash all of that. You have to wash behind your ears.

You have to wash between your butt cheeks, between your toes. You have to wash all of yourself. There are in shower lotions that you can get that are meant to be put on while you’re wet.

(52:23 – 53:14)
Nivea, my favorite brand, carries them. They’re great. You type in Nivea in shower body lotion, and it pulls it right up.

I love this. Amazon’s like, hey, you bought this. Yeah, I’m aware, and I’ve used it.

I love this stuff. You will feel really, really moisturized afterwards. It’s wonderful.

You wash your anatomy. You wash your body. And then you rub the Nivea on your flesh.

And then you rinse. And then you get out and dry yourself off with a towel and you go on with your day and you’ve already done all of your things and you’re good. You’re good to go.

(53:19 – 53:36)
Patty said, I posit things like loofahs hold on to bacteria if it’s not 100% clean in between washes, which is considering you use it to wash off your body. Is that wrong? Now, if it dries out completely in between washes, you are fine. Rinse it off.

(53:37 – 55:42)
Rinse it well under running water, and then hang it on a towel bar, for example, or over the top of the shower, hang it somewhere so that it dries all the way out. You’ll be fine. Bacteria don’t like being completely dry.

Bacteria, along with soap, you killed it. It’s dead now. You popped the cellular coating with the soap and then you let it dry out.

It’s dead. The only thing that could survive that would be a bacterial spore. And the odds of you having bacterial spores in your shower, you don’t have Legionnaires in your shower, because that requires a puddle of stagnant water.

And if you have a puddle of stagnant water in your shower, don’t drink it. You will get Legionnaires. Google it.

So to sum up, no, you’re not gonna get mold. You’re not gonna get bacteria. You’re not gonna get viruses growing on whatever you use to wash your body.

If you are super duper nervous about it, when you wash your towel, throw your loofah into the wash with it. It says, don’t drink shower water. Got it.

No, just don’t drink stagnant water. Stagnant water is bad. Running water is generally safe.

(55:44 – 56:40)
Addie said, I have a puddle of stagnant water somewhere else in my house. Can I drink that? No. Stop that.

Although honestly, the history of Legionnaires disease is absolutely fascinating. It’s amazing. Look up Legionnaires.

Why it’s called Legionnaires. It was bacteria. Um, actually it was mold.

It was a waterborne mold in stagnant water in air conditioning units. Isn’t that wild? Made a bunch of people super duper sick. Okay, so I love you.

I don’t want you to love you. So take better care of your fucking body. Please and thank you.

(56:41 – 57:29)
And yes, you can make this into a big ritual of self-love in which you are focused on the fact that, you know what, I like and respect myself enough to take really good care of my skin. And because I like and respect myself enough to take care of my skin, I can now also turn this and take care of someone else’s skin. So if you get regular lotion and not the in-shower lotion, then when you have somebody, you can say, hey, if I take my shirt off, will you use this lotion and rub it all over my skin for me? And they won’t go, why do you have soap scum? Okay.

(57:35 – 57:45)
Patty says, fine. I’ll get something to wash with in the shower besides my hands. I’ve been against it for a bit, so it won’t be easy, but I’ll try.

(57:47 – 58:36)
Sweetie, I love you. Please exfoliate. You will feel so good.

It’s going to make all of your skin just feel like bright and happy and tingly and wonderful. Trust me. Get you a net sponge and literally any Old Navy or Old Spice or whatever the fuck it is, body wash.

Just get some body wash. You’ll like it. Trust me.

It’s going to feel really good since you’ve been using Ivory Soap and your hands. Please and thank you. Patty said, Old Navy isn’t the clothing brand.

(58:36 – 59:06)
It is a clothing brand. It’s just because Old Spice and Old Navy, that’s my brain. Oh my God.

So therapeutic touch massages, you can combine that. You can do therapeutic touch in the shower. Just also touch your body with something to exfoliate your flesh.

(59:07 – 59:15)
You’re going to feel so much more clean. I promise you. You’re going to feel so good.

(59:16 – 59:20)
You really will. You’re going to love the way that you feel. Okay.

(59:23 – 59:28)
This was supposed to be a fun little episode. Now I’m traumatized. Look what you did to me.

(59:29 – 1:00:31)
Whore School is adult sex education with occasional forays into adult life skills, like not cleaning the shower while you’re in it. African net sponge, Miss Patty. That’s the thing you need to look for with knots.

It should be a knotted net sponge. Fishing net is what it should look like. It’s flat.

It looks like a big cloth. It should look like it has knots tied in it. That’s what does the exfoliation for you.

That’s what you need. My goodness. All right.

I’m going to go take a shower because now I feel dirty. Thanks. Just picture me naked, soapy, rubbing a net sponge all over myself.

(1:00:33 – 1:00:54)
Whore School is adult sex education. Visit my blog, WhoreSchool.net. Leave me comments. Thank you guys for listening.

I’m traumatized. I’m going to bed. I’m going to go shower and then I’m going to bed.

Wash your ass. Good night.

 

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